Why did the vampire attack the clown?
He
wanted the circus to be in his blood.
Single Page
Did you hear about the
vampire who had an
eye for the ladies?
He used to keep it in his back pocket.
Single Page
What is Dracula's favorite
fruit?
Neck-tarines.
Single Page
When the picture of the vampire's grandmother
crashed
to the floor in the middle of the night what did it mean?
That the nail had come out of the wall.
Single Page
What is a vampire's
favourite soup
?
Scream of mushroom !
Single Page
What happened to the two mad vampires?
They both went a little batty.
Single Page
What do vampires cross the sea in?
Blood
vessels.
Single Page
What do vampire footballers have at
half-time?
Blood oranges.
Single Page
Why did the vampire take up acting?
It was
in his blood.
Single Page
Who plays center forward for the vampire
football team?
The ghoulscorer.
Single Page
Which vampire ate the three bears' porridge?
Ghouldilocks.
Single Page
Which vampire tried to eat James Bond?
Ghouldfinger.
Single Page
When do vampires bite you?
On
Wincedays.
Single Page
Why did the vampire enjoy ballroom dancing?
He could really get into the vaultz.
Single Page
What is the first thing that
vampires
learn at school?
The alphabat.
Single Page
Why is Hollywood full of vampires?
They
need someone to play the bit parts.
Single Page
Why wouldn't the vampire
eat his
soup?
It clotted.
Single Page
Why was the young vampire a failure?
Because he fainted at the sight of blood.
Single Page
What is the vampire's
favorite slogan?
Please Give Blood Generously.
Single Page
How does a vampire clean his house?
With a
victim cleaner.
Single Page
What does a vampire stand on after taking a
shower?
A bat mat.
Single Page
What do you call a vampire junkie?
Count
Drugula.
Single Page
What is a vampire's favorite sport?
Batminton.
Single Page
Why do vampires hate arguments?
Because
they make themselves cross.
Single Page
Did you hear about the vampire
who died of
a broken heart?
He had loved in vein.
Single Page
Did you hear about the vampire who got
married?
He proposed to his girl-fiend.
Single Page
Two men were having a drink together.
One
said, "I'd rather live with a vampire than with my wife."
"Why's
that?" asked the other.
"Because she's always trying to bite my
head off," he replied.
Single Page
Why
did the vampire have pedestrian eyes?
They looked both ways before they crossed.
Single Page
What do you call a vampire
after it is
one-year-old?
A two-year-old vampire.
Single Page
Why was the vampire thought of as
simple-minded?
Because he was a complete sucker.
Single Page
What's a vampire's favorite hobby?
In-grave-ing.
Single Page
How do you join a Vampire Fan Club?
Send
your name, address and blood group.
Single Page
How does a vampire enter his
house?
Through the bat flap.
Single Page
Why does Dracula always travel with his
coffin?
Because his life is at stake.
Single Page
What do vampires have at eleven
o'clock
every day?
A coffin break.
Single Page
What kind of medicine does Dracula take for a
cold?
Coffin medicine.
Single Page
What happened when a doctor crossed a parrot
with a
vampire?
It bit his neck, sucked his blood and said,
"Who's a pretty boy
then?"
Single Page
Why does Dracula have no friends?
Because
he's a pain in the neck.
Single Page
How does Dracula like to have his
food
served?
In bite-sized pieces.
Single Page
What do you get if you cross Dracula with AI
Capone?
A fangster.
Single Page
What does Mrs Dracula say to Mr Dracula when
he leaves for work in the evening?
Have a nice bite!
Single Page
How does Dracula keep fit?
He plays
batminton.
Single Page
What does Dracula say when you tell him a new
fact?
Well, fangcy that!
Single Page
Did you know that Dracula wants to become a
comedian?
He's looking for a crypt writer.
Single Page
Why did Dracula go to the
orthodontist?
He wanted to improve his bite.
Single Page
What is Dracula's favorite pudding?
Leeches and scream.
Single Page
What do you get if you cross Dracula with a
snail?
The world's slowest vampire.
Single Page
Why did Dracula miss lunch?
Because he
didn't fancy the stake.
Single Page
When he's out driving, where
does Dracula
like to stop and eat?
The Happy Biter.
Single Page
What do you think of Dracula films?
Fangtastic!
Single Page
Where did vampires go to first in America?
New-fang-land.
Single Page
What is the American national day for
vampires?
Fangsgiving Day.
Single Page
How do vampires keep their breath smelling
nice?
They use extractor fangs.
Single Page
How does a vampire get through life with
only one fang?
He has to grin and bare it.
Single Page
What has webbed feet and fangs?
Count
Quackula.
Single Page
Doctor, doctor, I think I've been bitten by a
vampire.
Drink this glass of water.
Will it make me better?
No, but I'll be able to see if your neck
leaks.
Single Page
Why did the vampire go to hospital?
He
wanted his ghoulstones removed.
Single Page
What's it called when a vampire
kisses
you goodnight?
Necking.
Single Page
Where is Dracula's American office?
The
Vampire State Building.
Single Page
Did you hear about the vampire who joined
an orchestra?
He stood on the roof and conducted lightning.
Single Page
Why did the vampire sit on a pumpkin?
It
wanted to play squash.
Single Page
What's pink, lives in a sty and drinks
blood?
A hampire.
Single Page
What type of people do vampires like?
Type
O positive people.
Single Page
What kind of typewriters do vampires like?
Blood type-writers.
Single Page
What does Dracula say to his victims?
It's been nice gnawing you.
Single Page
What should you do if a vampire borrows your
comic?
Wait for him to give it back.
Single Page
Why was Dracula always willing to help
young vampires?
Because he liked to see new blood in the business.
Single Page
One vampire to the
other : " Let's go and
have a drink.I know a cosy little mortuary
just round the
corner"!
Single Page
Did you hear about the doctor who crossed a
parrot with a vampire ?
It bit his neck, sucked his blood, and
said, 'Who's a pretty boy then
?'!
Single Page
What did the vampire do to stop his son biting
his nails ?
He cut all his fingers off !
Single Page
Who is a vampire likely to fall in love with
?
The girl necks door.
Single Page
Why is it tough to compete against a vampire?
Because they're always out for blood!
Single Page
Did you hear about the vampire
in Camelot?
He was a bite of the Round Table!
Single Page
What does a vampire take for a
cold?
Coffin syrup!
Single Page
What is the best way to talk to a
vampire?
By long distance.
Single Page
What do you call a vampire that can lift up
cars ?
Jack-u-la !
Single Page
What do you call a vampire in a raincoat
?
Mack-u-la !
Single Page
What do you get if you cross a vampire and a
circus
entertainer ?
Something that goes straight for the juggler
!
Single Page
What do you get if you
cross a vampire and
a mummy ?
Something you wouldn't want to unwrap !
Single Page
Why did the vampire go crazy
at Burger
King?
He saw all that catsup and wanted a transfusion.
Single Page
What do vampires make sandwiches out of?
Self-raising dead.
Single Page
What do you get if you cross a vampire with a
snail?
I don't know but it would slow him down.
Single Page
Why did the vampire stand
at the bus stop
with his finger up his nose?
He was a ghoulsnif fer.
Single Page
What's a vampire's favorite drink?
A
Bloody Mary.
Single Page
Why are vampire families so close?
Because
blood is thicker than water.
Single Page
Which flavor ice cream is Dracula's favorite?
Vein-illa.
Single Page
What do you get if you cross Dracula with Sir
Lancelot?
A bite in shining armor.
Single Page
What's Dracula's car called?
A mobile
blood unit.
Single Page
What do you call a vampire junkie?
Count
Drugula.
Single Page
Why do vampires hate arguments?
Because
they make themselves cross.
Single Page
How does a girl vampire flirt?
She bats
her eyes.
Single Page
MUMMY VAMPIRE: Jimmy, hurry up and drink your
soup
before it clots.
Single Page
Do you know how to catch a squirrel?
Climb a tree and act like a nut!
Single Page
Firefighter Jokes |
Fishing Jokes |
Food Jokes |
Frog Jokes |
Ghost Jokes |
Gorilla Jokes |
Hair and Bald Jokes |
Halloween Jokes |
Heaven and Hell Jokes |
History Jokes |
Horse Jokes |
Humor Jokes |
Hunting Jokes |
Idiot and Fool Jokes |
Insect Jokes |
Internet Jokes |
Journalist Jokes |
Judge Jokes |
King Kong Jokes |
Knock Knock Jokes |
Lawyer Jokes |
Letter Jokes |
Marriage Jokes |
Men Jokes |
Mental Health Jokes |
Military Jokes |
Money Jokes |
Monster Jokes |
Mouse Jokes |
Movie and TV Jokes |
Music Jokes |
Old Age Jokes |
Parent Jokes |
Pig Jokes |
Police Jokes |
Political Jokes |
Rabbit Jokes |
Religious Jokes |
Restaurant Jokes |
Salesmen Jokes |
School Jokes |
Snake Jokes |
Snowman Jokes |
Space Jokes |
Spelling Jokes |
Sport Jokes |
Teeth Jokes |
Telephone Jokes |
Time Jokes |
Travel and Tourist Jokes |
Vampire Jokes |
Various Animal Jokes |
Waiter Jokes |
Weather Jokes |
Witch Jokes |
Women Jokes |
Yo Momma Jokes |
Zodiac Jokes |
Zoo Jokes
