Humor and jokes - TEETH

Fan: I've always admired you. Are your teeth your own? Actor: Whose do you think they are?
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What did the vampire call his false teeth? A new fangled device.
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What happened to the man who put his false teeth in backwards? He ate himself!
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Why did the old lady cover her mouth with her hands when she sneezed? To catch her false teeth.
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A man coughed violently, and his false teeth shot across the room and smashed against the wall. "Oh, dear," he said, "whatever shall I do? I can't afford a new set." "Don't worry," said his friend. "I'll get a pair from my brother for you." The next day the friend came back with the teeth, which fitted perfectly. "This is wonderful," said the man. "Your brother must be a very good dentist." "Oh, he's not a dentist," replied the friend, "he's an undertaker."
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Why didn't the monster use toothpaste? Because he said his teeth weren't loose.
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What did the Abominable Snowman do after he had had his teeth pulled out? He ate the dentist.
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What did one tooth say to the other? Get your cap on, the dentist is taking us out tonight.
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Why does a vampire clean his teeth three times a day? To prevent bat breath.
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Why do you forget a tooth, as soon as the dentist pulls it out? Because it goes right out of your head.
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What's the best thing to put into a pizza? Your teeth.
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Patient: Tell me honestly, how am I? Dentist: Your teeth are fine, but your gums will have to come out.
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What sort of an act do you do? I bend over backwards and pick up a handkerchief with my teeth. Anything else? Then I bend over backwards and pick up my teeth.
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"Your teeth are like the stars," he said, As he pressed her hand, so white. He spoke the truth, for, like the stars, Her teeth came out at night!
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Why did the termite eat a sofa and two chairs? It had a suite tooth.
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What comes out at night and goes Munch, munch, ouch! A vampire with a rotten tooth.
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What's the difference between a vampire with toothache and a rainstorm? One roars with pain and the other pours with rain.
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What do you get it you cross a porcupine with a giraffe? A long necked toothbrush.
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What did the mouse say when his friend broke his front teeth? Hard cheese.
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What happened when a man fell in love with a grand piano? He said, "Darling, you've got lovely teeth."
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A dinner speaker was in such a hurry to get to his engagement that when he arrived and sat down at the head table, he suddenly realized that he had forgotten his false teeth. Turning to the man next to him he said, "I forgot my teeth." The man said, "No problem." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair of false teeth. "Try these," he said. The speaker tried them. "Too loose," he said. The man then said, "I have another pair - try these." The speaker tried them and responded, "Too tight." The man was not taken back at all. He then said, "I have one more pair. Try them." The speaker said, "They fit perfectly."With that he ate his meal and gave his speech. After the dinner meeting was over, the speaker went over to thank the man who had helped him. "I want to thank you for coming to my aid. Where is your office? I've been looking for a good dentist." The man replied, "I'm not a dentist. I'm an undertaker."
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Why is 4,840 square yards like a bad tooth ? Because it is an acre.
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What has teeth but no mouth? A comb or a saw.
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What did one tooth say to the other tooth? "Thar's gold in them thar fills."
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What did the tooth say to the dentist? "Fill 'er up!"
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How does Snoop Dogg keep his canine teeth white? BLEEEEEE-YATCH!
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Beatrice Lillie (Lady Peel) was once accosted by a haughty old dowager who scrutinized her through her lorgnettes. "What lovely pearls, dear Beatrice," she maliciously remarked. "Are they real?" Yes, nodded Lady Peel. "Of course," the dowager declared, "you can always tell real pearls by biting them. May I try?" "Gladly," Lady Peel replied. "But remember, Duchess, you can't tell real pearls with false teeth."
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Mother: Has your tooth stopped hurting yet?...Son: I don't know. The dentist kept it
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Why are vampires like false teeth? They all come out at night.
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Why is a toothless dog like a tree? It has more bark than bite.
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How can you get a set of teeth put in for free? Smack a monster.
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Why didn't the monster use toothpaste? Because he said his teeth weren't loose.
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Willie: "I have an awful toothache." Tommie: "I'd have it taken out if it was mine." Willie: "Yes, if it was yours, I would, too."
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What game do you play if you don't take care of your teeth? Tooth (truth) or Consequences.
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What helps keep your teeth together? Toothpaste.
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Why are false teeth like stars? Because they come out at night.
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What do you get if you cross teeth with candy ? Dental floss !
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What happened when the slave put his head into a lions mouth to count how many teeth he had ? The lion closed its mouth to see how many heads the slave had !
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