Humor and jokes - SPACE

What do you call an alien starship that drips water? A crying saucer !
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What do you call an overweight ET ? An extra cholesterol !
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President Dubya was awakened one night by an urgent call from the Pentagon. "Mr. President," said the four-star general, barely able to contain himself, "there's good news & bad news." "Oh, no," muttered the President, "Well, let me have the bad news first." "The bad news, sir, is that we've been invaded by creatures from another planet." "Gosh, and the good news?" "The good news, sir, is that they eat reporters and pee oil."
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What do you get if you cross an alien and a hot drink ? Gravi-tea !
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A woman at a gas station noticed a spaceship landing in front of her. An alien stepped out of the spaceship and started to pump gas into it. The woman noticed the letters ''U.F.O.'' printed on the side of the ship. She turned to the alien and asked ''Does U.F.O. stand for Unidentified Flying Object?'' The alien answered, ''No, it stands for Unleaded Fuel Only!''
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Two aliens from outer space landed in Las Vegas and were wandering around the casinos. One of them volunteered to go inside and see what was happening. He came out looking rather shocked. "What's the matter?" asked his friend. "It's a very popular place," replied the first alien. "It's full of creatures that keep throwing up little metal discs."
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What did the alien say to the gas pump ? Don't you know its rude to stick your finger in your ear when I'm talking to you !
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How did the aliens hurt the farmer? They trod on his corn.
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What did the metric alien say ? Take me to your litre !
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What do you call an alien starship that drips water? A crying saucer.
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What do you call an alien surfing the Internet? e-t.
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Why did the alien phone home on his mobile? Because it was so ET !
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Why don't astronauts get hungry after being blasted into space? Because they've just had a big launch.
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Teacher: What do you think astronauts wear to keep warm? Girl: Apollo neck jumpers ?
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Why did the boy become an astronaut? Because he was told he was no earthly good.
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Where do astronauts leave their spaceships? At parking meteors.
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Why didn't the astronauts stay on the moon? Because it was a full moon and there was no room.
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Why don't astronauts keep their jobs very long? Because as soon as they start they get fired.
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Two astronauts were in a space ship circling high above the earth. One had to go on a space walk while the other stayed inside. When the space walker tried to get back inside the space ship, he discovered that the cabin door was locked, so he knocked. There was no answer. He knocked again, louder this time. There was still no answer. Finally he hammered at the door as hard as he could and heard a voice from inside the space ship saying, 'Who's there?'
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Two aliens landed in the remote countryside and went walking from the flying saucer along a narrow lane. The first thing they saw was a red pillar box. `Take us to your leader,' said the first alien. `Don't waste time talking to him. Can't you see he's only a child?' said the second alien.
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Where do Martians drink beer ? At a mars bar !
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What did the alien say when his flying saucer landed in a stud farm? Take me to your breeder !
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What do you get if you cross a student and an alien ? Something from another universe -ity !
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What is an astronomer? A night watchman with a college education.
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What does an astronaut do when he gets angry? He blasts off:
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Which astronaut wears the biggest helmet? The one with the biggest head.
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If an athlete gets athlete's foot, what does an astronaut get? Missile toe.
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What did the astronaut see on his skillet? Unidentified frying (flying) objects.
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Why are astronauts successful people ? Because they always go up in the world !
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Why did the boy become an astronaut ? Because he was no earthly good !
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Where do astronauts leave their spaceships ? At parking meteors !
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Two astronauts went to a bar on the moon, but they left after a few minutes ? You see, it had no atmosphere !
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How do spacemen pass the time on long trips ? They play astronauts and crosses !
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First Spaceman: I'm hungry. Second Spaceman: So am I, it must be launch time !
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What do you call a loony spaceman ? An astronut !
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I want to be an astronaut when I grow up. What high hopes you have !
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If athletes get athlete's foot, then what do astronauts get? Missile toe.
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An astronaut in space was asked by a reporter, "How do you feel?" "How would you feel," the astronout replied, "if you were stuck here, on top of 20,000 parts each one supplied by the lowest bidder?"
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What do astronauts put on their toast? Space Jam.
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What do astronauts wear to bed? Space Jammies!
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What do you call an alien surfing the Internet? e-t.
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What do you call a sick extraterrestrial? An ailin' alien.
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Two aliens landed their ship on a golf course and watched a young man golfing. First he hit it into the high grass, mumbling and cursing he retrieved his ball. Then he hit it into the sand bunker shouting curse words he retrieved the ball. Next he hit a perfect hole in one, then the first alien said to the second, "Uh-oh cover your ears he's going to be really mad now"!
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