Humor and jokes - SNAKE

There where two snakes talking. The 1st one said 'Sidney, are we the type of snakes who wrap ourselves around our prey and squeeze and crush until they're dead? Or are we the type of snake who ambush our prey and bite them and they are poisioned?'. Then the second Snake says "Why do you ask?" The 1st one replies: "I just bit my lip!"
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A old snake goes to see his Doctor. "Doc, I need something for my eyes...can't see well these days". The Doc fixes him up with a pair of glasses and tells him to return in 2 weeks. The snake comes back in 2 weeks and tells the doctor he's very depressed. Doc says, "What's the problem...didn't the glasses help you?" "The glasses are fine doc, I just discovered I've been living with a water hose the past 2 years!"
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Q: What kind of snake is good at math? A: An adder.
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What do you get if you cross a snake with a hotdog? A fangfurther.
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What do you do if you find a black mamba in your toilet? Wait until he's finished.
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What do you get if you cross a snake and a lego set ? A boa constructor !
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What's a snake's favourite food ? Hiss Cakes !
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Why wouldn't the snake go on the weighing maching ? Because he had his own scales !
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What did the snake say when offered a piece of cheese ? Thanks, I'll just have a sliver !
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What is another word for a python ? A mega-bite !
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What do you get if you cross a snake and a pig ? A boar constrictor !
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What's a snakes favourite TV program ? Monty Python!
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What snakes are good at sums ? Adders !
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Which hand would you use to pick up a dangerous snake ? Someone else's !
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What is a snakes favourite opera ? Wriggletto !
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What do you get if you cross a trumpet and a serpent ? A snake in the brass !
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What do you call a snake that is trying to become a bird ? A feather boa !sna
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Have you heard about the slippery eel ? Didn't think so, you wouldn't be able to grasp it !sna
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Why can't you trust snakes ? They speak with forked tongues !
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What's a snakes favourite dance ? Snake, rattle & roll !
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What should you do if you find a snake sleeping in your bed ? Sleep in the wardrobe !
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What do you get if you cross a snake and a hotdog ? A fangfurter !sna
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What's a snakes favourite dance ? The mamba !
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What did one snake say to another ? Hiss off !
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Why did the two boa constrictors get married ? Because they had a crush on each other !sna
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What's the difference between a headmaster and a poisonous snake ? You can make a pet out of a snake !
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What kind of snake is useful on your windscreen ? A viper !
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Why are snakes hard to fool ? They have no legs to pull !
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What's a python's favourite pop group ? Squeeze !
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What sort of perfume do snakes prefer ? Poison by Christian Dior !
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Why did the viper want to become a python ? He got the coiling !
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What do you get if you cross a bag of snakes and a cupboard of food ? Snakes and Larders !sna
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What do you call a python with a great bedside manner ? A snake charmer !
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What do most people do when they see a python ? They re-coil !
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What subject are snakes good at school ? Hiss-tory !
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What did the snake say to the cornered rat ? Hiss is the end of the line for you !
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What do snakes have on their bath towels ? Hiss and Hers !
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What do you call a snake that informs the police ? A grass snake !
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What do you get if you cross two snakes with a magic spell ? Addercadabra and abradacobra !
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What did the mother snake say to her crying baby ? Stop crying and viper your nose !
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What's the best thing about deadly snakes ? They've got poisonality !
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Why did the python do national service ? He was coiled up !
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What's a snakes favourite flower ? Coily-flowers !
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What song to snakes like to sing ? Viva Aspana !
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What happened when a deadly rattle snake bit a witch ? He died in agony !
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Why did the viper, viper nose ? Because the adder, adder hankerchief !
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What did the snake say when another asked him the time ? Don't asp me !
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What do you give a sick snake ? Asp-rin !
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What do you call a snake who works for the governement ? A civil serpent !
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What kind of letters did the snake get from his admirers ? Fang letters !
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What's long, green and goes hith ? A snake with a lisp !
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"So glad to meet you" said the Hindu politely ? "Charmed I'm sure ", replied the snake !
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What do you get if crossed a new born snake with a basketball ? A bouncing baby boa !
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Why did some snakes disobey Noah when he said "Go forth and multiply" ? They couldn't, they were adders !
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Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a python. Oh you can't get round me like that, you know.
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What do you get if you cross a glow-worm with a python? A twenty-foot-long strip-light that can squeeze you to death.
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Why did the viper want to become a python? He got the coiling.
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What do you get if you cross two snakes with a magic spell? Addercadabra and abradacobra.
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Did you hear about the stupid snake? He lost his skin.
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What is green, sooty and whistles when it rubs its back legs together ? Chimney Cricket !
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Q:What do you get when you cross a snake and a kangaroo? A:('A jump rope')"
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