Humor and jokes - LETTER

Crazy Aunt Maud received a letter one morning, and upon reading it burst into floods of tears. "What's the matter?" asked her companion. "Oh dear," sobbed Auntie, "It's my favorite nephew. He's got three feet." "Three feet?" exclaimed her friend. "Surely that's not possible?" "Well," said Auntie, "his mother's just written to tell me he's grown another foot !"
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Are you writing a thank you letter to Grandma like I told you to? Yes Mom. Your handwriting seems very large. Well, Grandma's very deaf, so I'm writing very loudly.
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Which two letters are rotten for your teeth? D K
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Why is the letter "t" so important to a stick insect? Without it would be a sick insect.
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Have you ever seen a duchess? Yes - it's the same as an English "s"
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What do snakes write on the bottom of their letters? With love and hisses.
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What's the definition of a school report? A poison pen letter from the principal.
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Why did the young witch have such difficulty writing letters? She had never learned to spell properly.
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What kind of letters did the snake get from his admirers? Fang mail.
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What's a zombie say when he gets a letter from his girlfriend? It's a dead letter day.
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How does a ghost start a letter? Tomb it may concern.
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Last night I wrote myself a letter. But I forgot to sign it and now I don't know who it's from.
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What did the werewolf write at the bottom of the letter? Best vicious . . .
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Betty was scribbling industriously over some paper with a pencil when her mother asked her what she was drawing. "I'm not drawing, Mom," she said indignantly, "I'm writing a letter to Fred." "But you can't write," Mom pointed out. "That's all right," said Betty, "Fred can't read."
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How did skeletons send each other letters in the days of the Wild West? By Bony Express.
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Teacher: Frd, give me a sentence starting with "I." Fred: I is . . . Teacher: No, Fred. You must always say "I am." Fred: Oh, right. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.
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I got an anonymous letter today. Oh, really - who was it from?!
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1st vampire: How things? 2nd vampire: Terrible! Today I received a letter saying I'm overdrawn by 50 pints at the blood bank.
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An old lady walked in to the post office to buy stamps and as she was short-sighted the clerk offered to stick the stamps on for her. `Wait a minute,' he said, `you've written the address upside down.' `I know,' said the little old lady, `the letter is going to Australia.'
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An Irishman went into a post office to see if there were any letters for him. "I'll see, sir," said the clerk. "What is your name?" "You're having me on now because I'm Irish," said the Irishman. "Won't you see the name on the envelope?"
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What word allows you to take away two letters and get one? Stone.
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Braxton and Hollis had jobs at a California cotton mill. One morning the foreman came along and found Braxton reading a letter to his coworker. "Hey," cried the foreman, "what kind a horseplay you two guys up to?" "Hollis got a letter from his girlfriend," explained Braxton, "but he can't read; so Ah'm readin' the letter for him." "How come you got the cotton in your ears?" "Hollis don't want me to hear what his girlfriend writ to him!"
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Q: Why did the witch's mail rattle? A: It was a chain letter.
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Did you hear about the sister who wrote herself a letter and forgot to sign it and when it arrived she didn't know who it was from.
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Josh sent a letter to his folks. He told about a ten-mile hike he had taken. His father wrote back saying, 'In my day I thought nothing of walking ten miles.' Josh wrote back, 'To tell the truth, I didn't think much of it either.
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What does an envelope say when you lick it? Nothing. It just shuts up.
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Why do postmen carry letters? Because the letters can't go anywhere by themselves.
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What letter is like a vegetable? The letter P.
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What girl's name is like a letter? Kay (K).
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When is a letter damp? When it has postage due (dew).
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Where do you put letters to boys? In a mail (male) box.
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What word grows smaller when you add two letters to it? Add "er" to short and it becomes shorter.
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Why is the letter N the most powerful letter? Because it is in the middle of TNT.
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How many letters are there in the alphabet? Eleven. T-H-E A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T.
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Which two letters of the alphabet are nothing? MT (empty) .
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What letter should you avoid? The letter A because it makes men mean.
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What 8-letter word has one letter in it? Envelope.
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What letter stands for the ocean? The letter C.
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What two words have thousands of letters in them? Post office.
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What did the envelope say to the stamp? "Stick with me and we'll go places."
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What did the stamp say to the envelope? "I've become attached to you."
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Why did the boy jump up and down on the letter? He heard that you have to stamp letters or the post office won't send them.
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Why do people leave letters at the football ground ? They want to catch the last goal-post !
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What do you call a Welshman who writes lots of letters ? Pen Gwyn !
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His girlfriend returned all his letters. I bet she marked them "second class male !"
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Where do ghosts mail their letters? At the ghost office.
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Who does Dracula get letters from? His fang club.
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What letters are not in the alphabet? The ones in the mail, of course!
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What two letters do you say when you answer the phone? LO
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