What kind of doctor fixes broken
websites?
A URLologist.
Single Page
Q: How many internet mail list subscribers
does it take
to change a light bulb?
A: Exactly five
hundred.
1 to change the light bulb and to post to the mail list that the
light
bulb has been changed.
7 to share similar experiences of
changing light bulbs and how the
light bulb could have been changed
differently or to caution about the
dangers of changing light
bulbs.
17 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about
changing light
bulbs.
21 to flame the spell checkers.
49 to
write to the list administrator complaining about the light bulb
discussion and its inappropriateness to this mail list.
20 to
correct spelling in the spelling/grammar flames.
32 to post that
this list is not about light bulbs and to please take
this email
exchange to alt.lite.bulb.
69 to demand that cross posting to
alt.grammar, alt.spelling and
alt.punctuation about changing light bul
bs be stopped.
41 to defend the posting to this list saying
that we all use light
bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to
this mail list.
106 to debate which method of changing light bulbs
is superior, where
to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light
bulbs work best for
this technique, and what brands are
faulty.
12 to post URLs where one can see examples of different light
bulbs.
8 to post that the URLs were posted incorrectly, and to post
corrected
URLs.
2 to post about links they found from the
URLs that are relevant to
this list which makes light bulbs relevant
to this list.
15 to concatenate all posts to date, then quote
them including all
headers and footers, and then add pointedly, "Me
Too."
6 to post to the list that they are unsubscribing because
they cannot
handle the light bulb controversy.
9 to quote the
"Me Too's" and happily add, "Me Three!"
3 to suggest that
posters request the light bulb FAQ.
1 to propose new
alt.change.lite.bulb newsgroup.
24 to say this is just what
alt.physic.cold_fusion was meant for, leave
it here.
53 votes for
alt.lite.bulb.
Single Page
What's O. J. Simpson's Internet
address?
Slash, slash, backslash, slash, slash, escape.
Single Page
Can you show me how to
use the
Internet?
I'd better - otherwise you'll just go round and round in
circles.
Single Page
Do you want some help using the Internet,
son?
No thanks, Dad, I can muck it up all by myself.
Single Page
Does your mum like shopping on the
Internet?
No, the trolley keeps rolling off the top of the computer.
Single Page
How do you
find white shirts on the
Internet?
Use a starch engine.
Single Page
How does the vicar explore the
Internet?
With the church mouse.
Single Page
I hear you've been tracing your ancestors on
the internet...
Yes - and it's a mammoth task!
Single Page
I hope you're not one of those
pupils
who spends all day on the Net and doesn't get any exercise.
Oh, no,
miss, I often sit around watching TV and not getting exercise
either.
Single Page
I never thought that the Internet was very
useful, but now I've changed my mind.
Let's hope your new one
works better then the one you had before.
Single Page
I
see you've got your bill for using the
Internet
Yes, and my dad's really going to get the hump!
Single Page
I use the internet
to tell me what the
weather's like.
How do you do that?
I carry my laptop outside and
if it gets wet, I know it's
raining!
Single Page
Since you've discovered the Internet, you
don't pay any attention to
me!
Who said that?
Single Page
So what exactly can I learn on the
Internet?
Anything you like - it can even teach you to talk like an
Indian.
How?
See? It's working already.
Single Page
Teacher: Don't forget to check the Internet
if you have trouble with your homework questions.
Pupil: It's
not the questions I have trouble with, it's the
answers.
Single Page
Teacher: What are the four
elements?
Pupil: Fire, Earth, Water and the Internet.
Teacher: What do you mean the
Internet?
Pupil: Well, Mum says that whenever I'm on the Net, I'm
in my
element.
Single Page
What do you call someone who spends 24 hours
a day on the Internet?
Anything you like, they're not listening to
you anyway.
Single Page
Where does
the Internet football team
play?
Webley.
Single Page
Why do goalkeepers spend ages on the
Internet?
Because they can't stop saving their work.
Single Page
Why do you think your report should be on the
net?
Because my marks are all 'E's.
Single Page
You're a big Internet fan aren't
you?
Yes - it's becoming a habit!
Single Page
You're a big internet fan, arn't
you?
Yes, I really get a buzz out of it!
Single Page
Teacher: Why are you pushing
garlic into
the computer's disk drive?
Pupil: To keep vampires off the
Internet
Teacher: But there aren't any vampires on the Internet
Pupil:
See? It works, doesn't it?
Single Page
Where's Spiderman's home page?
On the
world wide web.
Single Page
Why did the mummy stop using the
Internet?
He was getting far too wrapped up in it.
Single Page
Why do beavers spend a
fortune on the
Internet?
They never want to log off.
Single Page
Why was the skeleton using the
Internet?
To bone up on his schoolwork.
Single Page
What's the best city to search the
World
Wide Web in?
Rome.
Single Page
Which Lord Mayor of London was always on the
Internet?
Click Whittington
Single Page
Who is the oldest singer on the
Internet?
Click Jagger.
Single Page
Who writes hit musicals on the
Internet?
Andrew Lloyd Webber.
Single Page
What did you say to the policeman who spent
eight hours on the Internet?
Oh give it arrest.
Single Page
What do you get if you cross a giant ship
with the
Internet?
The Site-anic.
Single Page
What do you get if you cross the Internet
with a
currant bread?
Spotted click
Single Page
What do you put in a www.ashing
machine?
Net curtains!
Single Page
What grows on the World Wide Web and
stings?
Internettles.
Single Page
What did the parrot say when he was using the
Internet?
P.Cs of eight, P.Cs of eight.
Single Page
What did the sausage say when it
couldn't log on to the Internet?
If at first you don't succeed Fry, Fry
again
Single Page
Did you know pillows
have their own
website?
Really? Well you could knock me down with a feather!
Single Page
Did you like www.flower.com?
Not at
first....but it grew on me!
Single Page
How did the flea learn to use the
internet?
He had to start from scratch.
Single Page
Have you got the address of the butter
website?
Yes, but don't spread it around.
Single Page
I can't find a shark website....
That's
cos you're dum dum, dum dum, dum dum, dumb......
Single Page
If doors
have a website shouldn't
windows have one too?
We'd better, or it will be curtains for us.
Single Page
Our website should have more colour, more
games, more sound!
Look, what more do you want? Blood?
Single Page
What did the hypnotist say when
he got
his own website....
Hyp, Hyp Hooray.
Single Page
What did the maths homework website say to
the
geometry website?
Boy do we have problems.
Single Page
What did you think of our website?
A
little bit tacky.
Single Page
What do builders use to make
websites?
Com.crete.
Single Page
Where is Pinocchio's website?
On the
splinternet.
Single Page
Who has the best website in the
jungle?
The Onlion King.
Single Page
Who runs the 100 acre wood
website?
www.innie the pooh.
Single Page
Who started the campfire website?
Some
bright spark.
Single Page
Why do you keep going back to that fishing
website?
I can't help it, I'm hooked.
Single Page
You need to log on to the window repair
website!
I did - but it gave me a pane!
Single Page
I spent the whole evening
knotsurfing!
Don't you mean netsurfing?
No, everyone was complaining because I tied
the computer up for
ages!
Single Page
How do nuns surf the web? On the
Hymnternet.
Single Page
How are you getting on
with the
Internet?
Surf far, so good.
Single Page
My dog likes to sit down each evening and
surf the
Net.
What an intelligent animal!
Not really, it took
the cat three weeks to teach him.
Single Page
Teacher: If you spend all your time sitting
round playing on the Internet, you'll be fat and useless when you
grow
up.
Pupil: Wow! You must have spent hours surfing when you
were a
kid!
Single Page
What happened when the schoool bully went
netsurfing?
The goalkeeper kicked him out of the football ground.
Single Page
What surfs the
Internet and goes, 'Choo,
Choo'?
Thomas the Search Engine.
Single Page
What's hairy, dangerous and only surfs the
Net when there's a full moon?
The www.erewolf.
Single Page
Who sits at the end of the yellow brick road
surfing
the Net?
The www.izard of Oz.
Single Page
Who surfs the Net by pecking at the
keyboard?
www.oody www.oodpecker.
Single Page
Why are elephants no good at Net
surfing?
Because they're scared of the mouse.
Single Page
Does your dog know how how to
surf the
internet?
No - but he's got a ruff idea.
Single Page
Why are frogs no good at
websurfing?
Computers have them toad-ily confused.
Single Page
Why couldn't the baby camel
surf the
Internet?
Because whenever his parents saw their phone bill they got
the hump.
Single Page
Why was Cinderella able to surf the
web?
Because he footman turned into a mouse.
Single Page
Do you enjoy websurfing?
No way! my mum
warned me to stay away from the net!
Single Page
Do you like
surfing the net?
Oh yes,
I've really taken a shine to it. (Moon to Sun)
Single Page
How do heavy
metal bands surf the
web?
On the Din-ternet.
Single Page
Have you seen www.tomatosauce.com?
No,
I'll ketchup with it later.
Single Page
Have you seen www.topsecret.com?
If I
have, I'm not going to tell you.
Single Page
Have you seen
www.usedmatch.com?
Yes,
but I didn't find it striking.
Single Page
Have you seen www.veryangry.com?
No, AND
STOP ASKING ME STUPID QUESTIONS!
Single Page
Have you seen www.yawn.com?
Yes, but I'm
a bit tired of it.
Single Page
Have you heard that there's a new
mountain website?
Really? I must take a peak at it!
Single Page
Have you seen www.hook.com?
Yes, it's
already caught my eye.
Single Page
Have you seen www.indecisive.com?
Yes and
no.
Single Page
Have you seen www.lockeddoor.com?
Yes, but
I found it very difficult to get into.
Single Page
Have you seen
www.needleinahaystack.com?
Yes, but it took ages to find.
Single Page
Have you seen www.pitchdark.com?
Yes, but
I really couldn't see what all the fuss is about.
Single Page
Have you seen www.quasimodo.com?
I'm not
sure, but certainly rings a bell.
Single Page
Have you seen
www.quicksand.com?
Yes,
but it hasn't sunk in yet.
Single Page
Have you seen
www.shelterfromtherain.com?
Yes, but it doesn't really stand out.
Single Page
Have you seen
www.smallearthquake.com?
Yes, its's no great shakes!
Single Page
Have you seen www.square.com?
No, I
haven't got around to it.
Single Page
Have you seen www.amnesia.com?
Sorry, I
just can't remember.
Single Page
Have you seen www.apathy.com?
No, and
quite honestly I can't be bothered.
Single Page
Have you seen
www.blottingpaper.com?
Yes, I found it very absorbing.
Single Page
Have you seen www.boomerang .com?
Yes, I
return to it again and again.
Single Page
Have you seen
www.brokenglass.com?
Yes, but it's not all it's cracked up to be.
Single Page
Have you seen www.busfull.com?
No, I'm
afraid that one passed me by.
Single Page
Have you seen www.dustbin.com?
Yes, but
it's a load of rubbish.
Single Page
Have you seen www.stickytape.com?
Yes, I
can't tear myself away.
Single Page
Have you seen www.tame.com?
Yes, but I'm
not wild about it.
Single Page
What do you call an alien surfing
the
Internet?
e-t.
Single Page
What sits in the middle of the world wide web
?
A very, very big spider !
Single Page
PE Teacher: Why did you kick that ball
straight at the school computer?
Pupil: You told me to put it in the
Net.
Single Page
What do you get if you type
www.abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz.com into your computer?
A sore finger.
Single Page
Doctor, doctor, I feel like I'm part of the
Internet!
Well, you do look a site
Single Page
Doctor, doctor, should I surf the Internet
on an empty stomach?
No, you should do it on a computer.
Single Page
Do you like web jokes?
Yes - they're
e-larious!
Single Page
How do you fix a broken website?
With
stick e-tape.
Single Page
How do you make rude noises on the
Internet?
With a whoop e-cushion.
Single Page
What did Darth Vader say to the
Internet?
May the force e-with you.
Single Page
What do you call a fire at the Internet
cafe?
An e-mergency.
Single Page
What do you call a ghost on the
Internet?
e-erie.
Single Page
What do you call an Internet mystery?
An
e-nigma.
Single Page
What do you get if you cross an elephant with
the
Internet?
I don't know, but it's e-nourmous.
Single Page
What goes round the middle of
the
Internet?
The e-quator.
Single Page
What has long ears, hops and likes
websurfing?
The e-aster bunny.
Single Page
Which of the seven dwarfs use the
Internet?
Happ-e, Sleep-e, Grump-e, Dope-e and Sneez-e.
Single Page
Who is the most popular
wizard on the
Internet?
Har e-potter.
Single Page
Who looks after the EuroDisney
website?
Mick e-mouse.
Single Page
Who writes all his plays on the
Internet?
Will-e. Shakespeare.
Single Page
Who's the chief of the
internet?
E-ronimo!
Single Page
What do internet football fans sing?
E we
go E we go, E we go!
Single Page
Firefighter Jokes |
Fishing Jokes |
Food Jokes |
Frog Jokes |
Ghost Jokes |
Gorilla Jokes |
Hair and Bald Jokes |
Halloween Jokes |
Heaven and Hell Jokes |
History Jokes |
Horse Jokes |
Humor Jokes |
Hunting Jokes |
Idiot and Fool Jokes |
Insect Jokes |
Internet Jokes |
Journalist Jokes |
Judge Jokes |
King Kong Jokes |
Knock Knock Jokes |
Lawyer Jokes |
Letter Jokes |
Marriage Jokes |
Men Jokes |
Mental Health Jokes |
Military Jokes |
Money Jokes |
Monster Jokes |
Mouse Jokes |
Movie and TV Jokes |
Music Jokes |
Old Age Jokes |
Parent Jokes |
Pig Jokes |
Police Jokes |
Political Jokes |
Rabbit Jokes |
Religious Jokes |
Restaurant Jokes |
Salesmen Jokes |
School Jokes |
Snake Jokes |
Snowman Jokes |
Space Jokes |
Spelling Jokes |
Sport Jokes |
Teeth Jokes |
Telephone Jokes |
Time Jokes |
Travel and Tourist Jokes |
Vampire Jokes |
Various Animal Jokes |
Waiter Jokes |
Weather Jokes |
Witch Jokes |
Women Jokes |
Yo Momma Jokes |
Zodiac Jokes |
Zoo Jokes
