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...A little boy came downstairs crying late one night. "What's wrong?" asked his mother. "Do people really come from dust, like they said in church?" he sobbed. "In a way they do," said his mother. "And when they die so they turn back to dust?" "Yes, they do." The little boy began to cry again. "Well, under my bed there's someone either coming or going."... Rakeback poker

A casino dealer and a player with a thirteen count in his hand were arguing about whether or not it was appropriate to tip the dealer. The player said, "When I get bad cards, it's not the dealers fault. Accordingly, when I get good cards, the dealer obviously had nothing to do with it so why should I tip him?" The dealer said, "When you eat out do you tip the waiter?" "Yes." "Well then, he serves you food, I'm serving you cards so you should tip me." "OK, but, the waiter gives me what I ask for...I'll take an eight." Slots Casino

Humor and jokes



What goes hum-choo, hum choo? A bee with a cold !
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What is a bee's favourite classical music composer ? Bee-thoven !
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What does a queen bee do when she burps ? Issues a royal pardon !
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Where would you put an injured insect ? In an antbulance !
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What do bees do if they want to use public transport ? Wait at a buzz stop !
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What do you call a bee who's had a spell put on him ? He's bee-witched !
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Q: What kind of suit does a bee wear to work? A: A buzzness suit!
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What has four wheels and flies ? A rubbish bin !
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What lives in gum trees ? Stick insects !
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What is the biggest ant in the world ? An elephant !
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What's a bee-line ? The shortest distance between two buzz-stops !
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First Caribou: What do you call a bee that can't make up his mind? Second Caribou: A maybee.
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Q: What did one flea say to the other flea when they came out of the movies? - A: Should we walk home or take a dog?
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What happened to the man who turned into an insect ? He just beetled off !
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What do you get when you cross a bell with a bee? A humdinger.
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One woodworm met another. "How's life?" she asked. "Oh, same as usual," he replied, "boring."
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What is the difference between an elephant and a flea? An elephant can have fleas but a flea can't have elephants !
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What did the bee say to the naughty bee ? Bee-hive yourself !
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Who writes books for little bees ? Bee-trix Potter !
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Why did the bee started talking poetry ? He was waxing lyrical !
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What's more dangerous than being with a fool ? Fooling with a bee !
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What's black, yellow and covered in blackberries ? A bramble bee !
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How does a queen bee get around her hive ? She's throne !
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First Caribou: Which bug does amazing motor cycle stunts? Second Caribou: Evel Boll Weevil.
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First Caribou: Which bug gobbles up trash? Second Caribou: The litterbug.
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How do we know that insects are so clever ? Because they always know when your eating outside !
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Can bees fly in the rain ? Not without their little yellow jackets !
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What buzzes, is black and yellow and goes along the bottom of the sea ? A bee in a submarine !
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Why do bees hum ? Because they've forgotten the words !
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What kind of bees hum and drop things ? A fumble bee !
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What did the bee say to the flower ? Hello honey !
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What's a bees favourite flower ? A bee-gonias !
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What did the confused bee say ? To bee or not to bee !
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What is black and yellow and buzzes along at 30,000 feet ? A bee is an aeroplane !
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What are the cleverest bees ? Spelling bees !
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What bee is good for your health ? Vitamin bee !
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What goes zzub, zzub ? A bee flying backwards !
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Why do bees buzz ? Because they can't whistle !
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What kind of bee can't be understood ? A mumble bee !
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What does a bee get at McDonalds ? A humburger !
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Who is a bee's favourite painter ? Pablo Beecasso !
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What did the spider say to the bee ? Your honey or your life !
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What is a baby bee ? A little humbug !
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What is the bees favourite film ? The Sting !
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Who is the bees favourite singer ? Sting !
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Who is the bees favourite pop group ? The bee gees !
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What did the bee to the other bee in summer ? Swarm here isn't it !
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Where do bees keep their money ? In a honey box !
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What TV station do bees watch ? Bee bee c one!
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What's a bees favourite novel ? The Great Gats-bee !
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What do you get if you cross a bee with a door bell? A hum dinger !
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How many bees do you need in a bee choir ? A humdred !
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What does the bee Santa Claus say ? Ho hum hum !
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Why did the bees go on strike ? Because they wanted more honey and shorter working flowers !
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Why do bees have sticky hair ? Beacuse of the honey combs !
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Where do bees go on holiday ? Stingapore !
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What do bees chew ? Bumble gum !
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Why did the queen bee kick out all of the other bees ? Because they kept droning on and on !
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What does a bee say before it stings you ? This is going to hurt me a lot more than it hurts you !
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What kind of bee can keep an aeroplane dry ? An aero-drone !
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What do you get if you cross a rabbit and a flea ? Bugs Bunny !
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How do you start an insect race ? One, two, flea - go
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What is the difference between a flea and a wolf ? One prowls on the hairy and the other howls on the prairie !
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What to you call a Russian flea ? A Moscow-ito !
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How do you find where a flea has bitten you ? Start from scratch !
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Who rode a dog and was a confederate general during the American Civil War ? Robert E Flea !
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Two fleas where running across the top of a cereal packet ? "Why are we running so fast ?" said one Because it says "Tear along the dotted line"
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What did one flea say to the other after a night out ? Shall we walk home or take a dog ?
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What is a flea's favourite book ? The itch-hikers guide to the galaxy !
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What is the most faithful insect ? A flea, once they find someone they like they stick to them !
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What insect runs away from everything ? A flee !
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What is the difference between a flea bitten dog and a bored visitor ? Ones going to itch and the other is itching to go !
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How to fleas travel ? Itch hiking !
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Why did the firefly keep stealing things ? What goes "snap, crackle and pop" ? A firefly with a short circuit !
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Which fly makes films ? Stephen Speilbug !
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What goes "snap, crackle and pop" ? A firefly with a short circuit !
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Why did the fly fly ?
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Why were the flies playing football in saucer ? They where playing for the cup !
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How do fireflies start a race ? Ready steady glow !
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If there are 5 flies in the kitchen how do you know which one is the American Football player ? The one in the sugar bowl !
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What did one firefly say to the other ? Got to glow now !
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What do you get if you cross the Lone Ranger with an insect ? The Masked-quito !
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What has antlers and sucks blood ? A moose-quito !
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Why did the mosquito go to the dentist ? To improve his bite !
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What is a mosquito's favourite sport ? Skin-diving !
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How do you know if you have a tough mosquito ? You slap him and he slaps you back !
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What is the difference between a mosquito and a fly ? Try sewing buttons on a mosquito !
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What is the most religious insect ? A mosque-ito !
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What has 6 legs, bits and talks in code ? A morese-quito !
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Why are mosquitos religious ? They prey on you !
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What do insects learn at school ? Mothmatics !
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How do you make a butterfly ? Flick it out of the butter dish with a knife !
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What insect lives on nothing ? A moth, because it eats holes
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What do you get if you cross a firefly and a moth ? An insect who can find its way around a dark wardrobe !
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How do stones stop moths eating your clothes ? Because rolling stones gather no moths !
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Why did the moth nibble a hole in the carpet ? He wanted to see the floor show !
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What's the biggest moth in the world ? A mammoth !
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Why was the moth so unpopular ? He kept picking holes in everything !
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What do you call a grasshopper with no legs ? A grasshover !
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What goes 99-clonk, 99-clonk, 99-clonk ? A centipede with a wooden leg !
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Why was the centipede dropped from the insect football team ? He took too long to put his boots on !
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What is worse than an alligator with toothache ? A centipede with athlete's foot !
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What has 50 legs but cant walk ? Half a centipede !
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Why was the centipede late ? Because he was playing "This little Piggy" with his baby brother !
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What do you get if you cross a centipede and a chicken ? Enough drumsticks to feed an army !
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What did one centipede say to the other centipede ? You've got a lovely pair of legs, You've got a lovely pair of legs,You've got a lovely pair of legs,You've got a lovely pair of legs,You've got a lovely pair of legs,You've got a lovely pair of legs ....!
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What pillar doesn't need holding up ? A caterpillar !
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What does a cat go to sleep on ? A caterpillow !
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What does a caterpillar do on New Years Day ? Turns over a new leaf !
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What is the definition of a caterpillar ? A worm in a fur coat !
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Why don't other bugs like earwigs ? Because they are always earwigging their conversations !
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What kind of wig can hear ? An earwig !
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What did the earwig say as it fell down the stairs ? Ear we go !
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What did the maggot say to his friend when he got stuck in an apple ? Worm your way out of that one !
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Why didn't the two worms get on Noah's Ark in an apple ? Because everyone had to go on in pairs !
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How can you tell which end of a worm is which ? Tickle it in the middle and see which end laughs !
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How do you make a glow worm happy ? Cut off his tail, he'll be de-lighted !
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What's a glow worms favourite song ? Wake me up before you glow glow !
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Why was the glow worm unhappy ? Because her children weren't that bright !
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What do you get if you cross a glow worm with some beer ? Light ale !
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What do you get if you cross a worm and a young goat ? A dirty kid !
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What did the maggot say to another ? What's a nice maggot like you doing in a joint like this !
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What did the woodworm say to the chair ? It's been nice gnawing you !
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How can you tell if you are looking at a police glow worm ? it has a blue light !
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Why are glow worms good to carry in your bag ? They can lighten your load !
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What did the worm say to the other when he was late home ? Where in earth have you been !
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What do you get if you cross a worm and an elephant ? Very big worm holes in your garden !
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What makes a glow worm glow ? A light meal !
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Why do worms taste like chewing gum ? Because they're wrigleys !
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What is life like for a wood worm ? Boring !
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What did the spider say when he broke his new web ? Darn it !
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What happened when the chef found a daddy long legs in the salad ? It became a daddy short legs !
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What do you get if you cross a tarantula with a rose ? I'm not sure, but I wouldn't try smelling it !
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Why did the spider buy a car ? So he could take it out for a spin !
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What does a spider do when he gets angry ? He goes up the wall !
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Why are spiders good swimmers ? They have webbed feet !
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What is red and dangerous ? Strawberry and tarantula jelly !
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What did the spider say to the fly ? We're getting married do you want to come to the webbing ?
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How do you spot a modern spider ? He doesn't have a web he had a website !
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What are spiders webs good for ? Spiders !
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What do you call a big irish spider ? Paddy long legs !
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What is a spiders favourite TV show ? The newly web game !
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What do you get if you cross a spider and an elephant ? I'm not sure, but if you see one walking across the ceiling then run before it collapses !
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What do you call a 100 spiders on a tyre ? A spinning wheel !
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What would happen if tarantulas were as big as horses ? If one bit you, you could ride it to hospital !
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What kind of doctors are like spiders ? Spin doctors !
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Why are spiders like tops ? They are always spinning !
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What did the wife spider say to her husband when he tried to explain why he was late ? Your spinning me a yarn here !
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QUESTION: What do you get from a bee that has an udder? ANSWER: Milk and honey.
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What kind of bugs bother sporting dogs? Ath-fleats!
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How to fleas travel ? Itch hiking !
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What is the difference between a flea bitten dog and a bored visitor ? Ones going to itch and the other is itching to go !
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First Caribou: What well-known cartoon character do moths like a hole lot? Second Caribou: Micky Moth!
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Boy: What's the biggest ant in the world? Girl: My Aunt Boy: No, it's an elephant. Girl: You obviously haven't met my Aunt
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What do you call an ant with frog's legs? An antphibian.
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Why don't anteaters get sick? Because they're full of anty-bodies !
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What do you call a scruffy, lazy ant? Decadant.
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What do you call a stupid ant? Antwerp.
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What are ants called when they run away very fast to get married? Ant-elopers.
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Where do you take a sick wasp? To waspital.
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What is the wasps' favorite song? Just a Spoonful of Sugar.
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Surveyor: This house is a ruin. I wonder what stops it from falling down. Owner: I think the woodworm are holding hands.
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How do fireflies start a race? Ready, steady, glow!
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What do you get if you cross a moth with a firefly? An insect that can find its way around a dark closet.
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If a flea and a fly pass each other what time is it? Fly past flea.
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A flea jumped over the swinging doors of a saloon, drank three whiskeys and jumped out again. He picked himself up from the dirt, dusted himself down and said, "OK, who moved my dog?"
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How do you make a moth bawl? Hit him with a fly swatter.
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What insect lives on nothing? A moth, because it eats holes.
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Which fly captured the ladybird? The dragon-fly.
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Why was the ladybird kicked out of the forest? Because she was a litter bug.
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What do you call A Tale of Two Mosquitoes? A bite-time story.
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Why is it best to be bitten quickly by one mosquito? Because an itch in time saves nine.
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Why are mosquitoes annoying? Because they get under your skin.
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What did one mosquito say to another when they came out of the cinema? Fancy a bite?
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Two mosquitoes were buzzing round when they saw a drunken man. One said to the other, "You bite him ? I'm driving."
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A mother moth was telling her baby moth off saying, "If you don't eat all your cotton, you won't get any satin."
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How can you make a moth ball ? Hit it with a fly swatter.
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Q: What did the Pink Panther say when he stepped on an ant? A: "Dead ant, Dead Ant ... Dead ant, Dead Ant .. Dead Ant" (to the tune of Pink Panther theme).
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How do fireflies lose weight? They burn calories.
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One ant was running across an unopened box of crackers and urging another to speed up. "But why do we have to hurry?" said one. "Can you read, you nut! It says, Tear along the dotted line'".
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