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...A little boy came downstairs crying late one night. "What's wrong?" asked his mother. "Do people really come from dust, like they said in church?" he sobbed. "In a way they do," said his mother. "And when they die so they turn back to dust?" "Yes, they do." The little boy began to cry again. "Well, under my bed there's someone either coming or going."... Rakeback poker

A casino dealer and a player with a thirteen count in his hand were arguing about whether or not it was appropriate to tip the dealer. The player said, "When I get bad cards, it's not the dealers fault. Accordingly, when I get good cards, the dealer obviously had nothing to do with it so why should I tip him?" The dealer said, "When you eat out do you tip the waiter?" "Yes." "Well then, he serves you food, I'm serving you cards so you should tip me." "OK, but, the waiter gives me what I ask for...I'll take an eight." Slots Casino

Humor and jokes



"Will I ever be able to race my horse again" the owner asked the vet. The vet replied, "You certainly will, and you'll probably beat her too!"
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A stallion and a mare where due to get married, but the stallion didn't show up at the church. He got colt feet
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As horses say to one another. Any friend of yours is a palomino!
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Did you find my horse well behaved? Indeed, whenever we came to a fence he let me over first!
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Did you hear about Mike Tyson's horse? It got angry and bit at the champ!
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Did you hear about the aristocratic horse? He was the last of his race!
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Did you hear about the depressed horse? He told a tale of whoa!
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Did you hear about the horse that has made a dozen films? He's not a star though, he just does bit parts!
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Did you hear about the horse with the negative altitude? He always said "Neigh"
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Did you hear about the Irishman who couldn't tell the difference between his two horses? His friend suggested measuring them, that didn't help though, the Irishman discovered that the brown horse was only an inch taller than the white one!
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Did you hear about the man who ate nothing but oats every day? He fell in love with the Grand National winner!
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Did you hear about the man who named his horse Radish?
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Did you hear about the man who received a tip on a horse called Cigarette? He didn't have enough money tabaccer!
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Did you hear about the man with five keen senses? He still lacked common and horse!
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Did you hear about the overweight man who took up horse riding as exercise? The horse lost 15 pounds in a week!
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Did you hear about the race horse that was so late coming in? They had to pay the jockey overtime!
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Girl: We have a mayor. Do you? Horse: Sure! Girl: What do you call it? Horse: Same as you do. Mare!
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Have you read the book, "100-mile Horse Trek" Who wrote it? Major Bumsore
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How did the instructor try to make horse riding enjoyable? He tried to stirrup some interest!
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How do jockeys determine which racehorses are the favourites? They take a gallop poll!
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How do you go about hiring a horse? Try two pairs of stilts!
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How do you hire a horse? Put a brick under each hoof!
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How do you lead a horse to water? With lots of carrots.
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How do you make a small fortune out of horses? Start off with a large fortune!
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How much money did the bronco have? Only a buck!
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What couple rode a horse up a hill to fetch a pail of water? Jockey and Jill!
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What did the city worker say after his first ever pony trek? I never knew anything stuffed with hay could be so hard!
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What did the horse say to whinnie the pooh while watching his t.v. show? I wish I could hear you whinnie.
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What did the wife say to the undertaker when he started hitting his broken down car? Stop beating a dead hearse!
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What disease do horses fear most? Hay Fever!
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What do you call a horse that plays the violin? Fiddler on the hoof!
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What do you call a horse that's been all around the world? A globe-trotter!
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What do you call a horse wearing Venetian blinds? A zebra!
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What do you call a pony with a sore throat? A hoarse horse!
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What do you call the horse than lives next door? A neighbour!
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What do you give a sick horse? Cough stirrup.
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What does ever horse and rider do at the same time? Grow old!
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What does it mean if you find a horse shoe? Some poor horse is walking around in his socks.
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What equine likes to cut in line? A sawhorse!
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What goes "Clip"? A one legged horse!
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What goes into the mouth of a quarter horse? Two bits!
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What happened to Lady Godiva's horse when he saw she had no clothes on? It made him shy!
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What happened to the horse that swallowed a dollar bill? It bucked!
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What happened to the man who owned a riding academy? Business kept falling off!
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What has four legs and see just as well from either end? A horse with his eyes closed!
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What is a horse's favourite sport? Stable tennis!
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What is a horses favourite kind of party? A stall ball.
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What is a horses favourite TV show? Neeeebours
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What is a jockey's motto? Put your money where your mount is!
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What is a thespian pony? A little horse play!
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What is horse sense? Stable thinking and the ability to say nay!
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What is the best type of story to tell a runaway horse? A tale of whoa!
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What is the difference between a horse and a duck? One goes quick and the other goes quack!
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What is the strongest animal? A racehorse, because it can take hundreds of people for a ride at once!
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What kind of horse has trouble keeping track of his Macintosh? An Appaloosa!
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What person strives to ensure safety for horses? Ralph Neighder!
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What's another name for an assistant stable cleaner? A co-pile-it!
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What's as big as a horse, but weighs nothing? A horses shadow!
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What's black and white and turns cartwheels? A piebald horse pulling a cart!
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What's the hardest thing about learning to ride a horse? The ground!
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When does a horse neigh? Whinny wants to!
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Where did the Knights of the Round Table park their horses? In the Sir Lance Lot
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Where did the newlywed horses stay? In the bridle suite!
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Where do you take a sick horse? To the Horspital!
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Which route should you take through the woods when riding a fizzy horse? The psycho-path!
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Who did the breeder call when his horse was possessed by an evil spirit? An exhorsist!
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Why are chorus girls like barge horses? They have to tow the line!
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Why are clouds like jockeys? Because they hold the reins!
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Why did the artist put on a show of horse paintings? He wanted to mount an exhibit!
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Why did the boy stand behind the horse? He thought he might get a kick out of it!
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Why did the farmer call his horse Baseball? Because it's covered with horsehide!
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Why did the horse go behind the tree? To change his jockeys.
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Why did the horse miss the joust? He had the knight off!
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Why did the horse stir his cereal with his hoof? Because he wanted to feel his oats!
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Why did the horseman put a saddle on a large loaf of bread? It was a crusty steed!
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Why did the man call his horse Fleabag? Because he was often scratched!
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Why is a racehorse like a letter? They both begin a trip at the post!
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Why is an egg like a young horse? Because it can't be used until it's broken!
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Why is Dick Clark a favourite star with horses? Because he was a disk jockey from Filly!
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Why is horse racing so romantic? Because the horse hugs the rails, the jockey puts his arms around the horse and you can kiss your money goodbye!
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Why is it difficult to identify horses from the back? They're always switching their tails!
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Why is manna from heaven like horse hay? Both are food from aloft!
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Why is the old, decrepit horse named Flattery? Because it gets you nowhere!
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Why was Teddy Roosevelt mean to horses? He was a rough rider!
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You said it was a great horse and it is. It took twenty other horses to beat him!
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You said this horse could jump as high as a ten foot fence and he can't jump at all. Well neither can a fence!
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What kind of horse can swim underwater without coming up for air ? A seahorse !
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What is the slowest racehorse in the world ? A clotheshorse !
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A mean horseman went into a saddler's shop and asked for one spur. "One spur?" asked the saddler. "Surely you mean a pair of spurs, sir?" "No, just one," replied the horseman. "If I can get one side of the horse to go, the other side is bound to come with it!"
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Why did the bareback performer ride his horse? Because it got too heavy to carry.
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A man has a racehorse, never won a race. Man in disgust says," Horse, you win today or you pull a milk wagon tomorrow morning." The starting gate opens, the horses take-off, they move the gate away and there lays his horse asleep on the track. He kicks the horse and asks, "WHY ARE YOU SLEEPING. The horse, half asleep says, "I have to get up at three in the morning."
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Why was the horse all charged up? It ate some haywire!
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Why was the horseman fired from his job of saddle testing? He was always standing up on the job!
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Why was the man sued by his horse? For palomino-money!
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Why was the racehorse named Bad News? Because bad news travels fast!
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Why was the racehorse names Strawberry Ice? He was a sherbet!
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