A man enters a barber shop for a shave.
While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has
getting a close shave around the cheeks.
"I have just the
thing," says the barber taking a small wooden ball
from a nearby
drawer. "Just place this between your cheek and gum."
places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds with
closest shave the man has ever experienced. After a few strokes the
client asks in garbled speech.
"And what if I swallow it?"
"No problem," says the barber. "Just bring it back tomorrow like
everyone else does."
A man and a little boy entered a
together. After the man received the full treatment - shave,
manicure, haircut, etc. - he placed the boy in the
"I'm goin' to buy a green tie to wear for the parade," he said.
"I'll be back in a few minutes."
When the boy's haircut was
completed and the man still hadn't
returned, the barber said,
"Looks like your daddy's forgotten all about
you." "That wasn't my
daddy," said the boy. "He just walked up, took
me by the hand and
said, 'Come on, son, we're gonna get a free
A man was getting a haircut prior to a
trip to Rome. He
mentioned the trip to the barber who responded,
"Rome? Why would anyone want
to go there?
It's crowded & dirty
and full of Italians. You're crazy to go to
are you getting there?"
"We're taking TWA," was the reply. "We
got a great rate!"
"TWA?" exclaimed the barber. "That's a
terrible airline. Their
planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly,
and they're always late.
So, where are you staying in
"We'll be at the downtown International Marriott."
dump! That's the worst hotel in the city. The rooms are small,
service is surly and they're overpriced. So, whatcha doing when
you get there?"
"We're going to go to see the Vatican and we hope
to see the Pope."
"That's rich," laughed the barber. "You and a
million other people
trying to see him. He'll look the size
of an ant. Boy, good luck on
this lousy trip of yours. You're
going to need it."
A month later, the man again came in for his
regular haircut. The
barber asked him about his trip to
"It was wonderful," explained the man, "not only were we on time in
one of TWA's brand new planes, but it was overbooked and they bumped
us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a
beautiful 28 year old stewardess who waited on me hand and
And the hotel-it was great! They'd just finished a $25 million
remodeling job and now it's the finest hotel in the city. They, too,
overbooked, so they apologized and gave us the presidential
suite at no
"Well," muttered the barber, "I
know you didn't get to see the
"Actually, we were quite
lucky, for as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss
Guard tapped me on the
shoulder and explained that the pope likes to
et some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step
his private room and wait the pope would personally greet me. Sure
enough, five minutes later the pope walked through the door and shook
my hand! I knelt down as he spoke a few words to me."
asked the Barber. "What'd he say?"
He said, "Where'd you get
the lousy haircut?
A little girl climbed
grandfather's lap and studied his white, balding head. She
fingers along the deep wrinkles and road mapped his face and
"Did god make you?", she asked.
"yes" he answered.
"did god makeme, to?" she wondered.
"yes", he replied.
"well, she shrugged, "don't you think he's doing a better job now
than he used to?"
Peg-Leg Baldy A bald man with a peg leg
gets invited to a costume party. Being shy and self-conscious about
appearance, he goes to the best costume shop in town. When he
there, he tells the shop owner his situation and that he would
his head and leg with a costume instead instead of
apparent problems. So, the shop owner comes back with a
The man says, "No, no. That will show off my peg
leg. I can't hide it
with that. Try again." So the shop owner
leaves and comes back with a
monk costume And again the man says, "No,
no. I can't wear that. It
will make people notice my head."
Obviously pissed off, the shop owner
leaves and comes back with a
five-pound bag of caramels, gives it to
the man and says, "Here. Just take
this." Confused, the man says,
"What am I suposed to do with a bag
of caramels?" Smiling, the shop owner
says, "Take home this
bag of caramels, melt them, pour it all over
your body, stick
that peg leg up your ass and tell everyone you're a
Your so bald, I can see what your
School teacher asked if
any of the children's parents had quoted from
the Bible in the past
week. Little Timmy paused, but then spoke up,
"My daddy doesn't
have any hair on his head. Daddy says that God put
hair on everything
that he was ashamed of."
After accepting an
dance with a rather prematurely balding man a young woman wants
lighten the mood and says, "Honey, God was good to you, gave you a
handsome face and room for another one."
YOUR SO BALD THAT WHEN YOU
TURTLENECK YOU LOOK LIKE A ROLL ON DEODORANT.
a guy was teased everywhere of his
totally noticably bald head! Afta goin thru yrs of this, he decided that
should say sumthin about it! so he stood up on2 the tallest
shouted 4 everyone 2 hear: 'I AM NOT BALD, ITS JUST THAT IM
THAN MY HAIR!'
Your head is sooooo bald I mistook you
for a green
I had a dream you were a tire last
night. I woke up and you were
Your so bald your bald
A cowboy walked into a barber shop, sat
on the barber's chair
and said, "I'll have a shave and a shoe
shine." The barber
began to lather his face while a woman with the
firmest, most beautiful breasts that he had ever seen
knelt down and began to shine his shoes.
The cowboy said, "Young
lady, you and I should go and spend
some time in a hotel room."
She replied, "I'm married and my husband wouldn't like that.
The cowboy said, "Tell him your working overtime and I'll pay
you the difference."
She said, "You tell him. He is the one
First boy: My dad saw a horrible witch
and didn't turn a hair!
Second boy: I'm not surprised - your
What do you call
an English teacher,
five feet tall, covered from head to toe in boils
and totally bald?
Look at that bald man over there.
It's the first time I've seen a parting with ears.
oldest lady was 115 years
old today, and she hasn't got a grey hair on her
She's completely bald.
What's your dad getting for Christmas?
Bald and fat.
Doctor, doctor, can you give me
something for my baldness?
How about a few pounds of pig manure?
Will that cure my baldness?
No, but with that on your head no one
will come near enough to notice
Why do bald-headed men never use
Because they've lost their locks.
Why do barbers make good drivers?
Because they know all the short cuts.
A man sitting in a barber's
noticed that the barber's hands were very dirty. When he commented
on this, the barber explained, "Yes, sir, no one's been in for a
How much for a haircut?
How much for a shave?
Barber: Ten dollars.
Right - shave my head.
What's a barber's favourite kind of
Cruising on a clipper.
Why does a barber never shave a man with
Because he always uses a razor.
Barber: Your hair is getting grey,
Customer: I'm not surprised - hurry up, will you?
Barber: And how
old are you, little
Barber: And do you want a haircut?
Well, I certainly didn't come in for a shave!
My barber is a specialist in road map
When he's finished, your face is full of
you wearing a red scarf
when you came in? Customer: No.
Barber: Oh dear! Then I must have
cut your throat.
Doctor, Doctor my
hair keeps falling
out, can you give me anything to keep it in ?
Yes, here is a paper
Why did the bald man go outside ?
get some fresh hair !
When can you dive in a swimming pool and
get your hair wet ?
When your bald !
Janet came home from school and asked
her mother if the aerosol spray in the kitchen was hair lacquer.
"No," said Mom. "It's glue."
"I thought so," said Janet.
wondered why I couldn't get my hat off today."
Teacher: I see
you don't cut your
hair any longer.
Fred: No sir, I cut it shorter.
Fred: Betty has lovely long red hair
all down her back.
Harry: Pity it's not on her head!
Is that your face or are you
your hair back to front today?
What do you get if you cross a
hairdresser with a werewolf?
A monster with an all-over perm.
Customer: Couldn't you see I was going
Barber: No, the shine from your head blinded me.
Customer: Why did
you take off so
Barber: I didn't, nature beat me to it.
Customer: Why doesn't my
Barber: It's on the same old head.
Customer: Why is my hairline
Barber: It's not. Your scalp is advancing.
Karen: Have you noticed
is getting taller ?
Sharon: No, why ?
Karen: His head is sticking
through his hair.
Who never gets his hair wet in the
shower? A bald man.
What do you call a high-priced barber
A clip joint.
For what person do all men take off
If the Pilgrims came over on the
Mayflower, how did the
On clipper ships.
How can you avoid falling hair?
out of the way.
Why was the lady's hair
Because she was always teasing it.
Why did the bald man put a rabbit
Because he wanted a head of hare (hair).
What should you buy if your
falls out ?
A good vacuum cleaner !
What kind of hair do oceans have
I want a hair cut please.
which one !
What do you call a pen with no hair
A bald point !
What do you call a policeman with blonde
A fair cop !
What do you get if you cross a wireless
Radio waves !
What do you get if you cross a
hairdresser and a bucket
of cement ?
Permanent waves !
How does a barber make phone calls?
He cuts them short.
What side of a monster has more hair
The outside !
Who's there !
Barber who ?
Barberd wire !
Why do polo bears like bald men ?
Because they have a great, white, bear place !
What do you call a
proton with big
A guy admired the hair of three girls.
He walked by one
and asked, "How'd you get such lovely blonde hair"
Taking her hand and gently running it through her hair, the girl
answered, "It's natural."
The guy walked by the second girl
and asked, "How'd you get such
pretty brown hair?"
Fluffing her hair, the second girl said, "It's natural."
guy approached the third girl and asked, "How'd you get
Taking her hand and rubbing it up past her nose,
then skimming it
through the hair, she said, "It's natural."
Q: Why are brunettes so proud of their
A: It matches their mustaches.
A woman was cutting her husband's
thinning hair, when their teenage son arrived home looking for a snack.
She ofered a kiwifruit and tried to tempt him with its nutritious
qualities. "It has more vitamin C than an orange," she remarked.
"And more hair than Dad," added their son.
A guy walks in to the
Barber says, "What will it be today?" Guy says, "well I
want it going
with my waves on top, faded on one side, plug the other,
make it all out of shape and messed up." Barber says, "Now why
the world do you want your hair cut like that."
Guy says, "That's
how you cut it last time"
There are three ways a
man wears his
hair - parted- unparted or departed
Hair and Bald Jokes
Heaven and Hell Jokes
Idiot and Fool Jokes
King Kong Jokes
Knock Knock Jokes
Mental Health Jokes
Movie and TV Jokes
Old Age Jokes
Travel and Tourist Jokes
Various Animal Jokes
Yo Momma Jokes