Humor and jokes - FROG

A librarian was quietly working when three chickens walked in and jumped on to the counter eyed her and said "BUK BUK BUK" Not sure she was sane she gave the chikens three books and they left. An hour later in walked the chickens again jumped onto the counter, returned the books they had taken earlier and said "BUK BUK BUK" Now convinced she was out of her mind she gave them three books, they took one each and left. This time she decided to follow them. She followed them down to the local pond and stood horrified as they threw the books into the water. All of a sudden they flew back out of the pond and a frog stuck it's head up saying "RREDIT RREDIT RREDIT!"
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Q: What do you call a frog with no hind legs? A: Unhoppy!!
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I'd like a new frog, please. But you bought one only yesterday. What happened? It Kermit-ted suicide.
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How do frogs manage to lay so many eggs ? They sit eggsaminations !
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What do you call a rich frog ? A golf blooded reptile !
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What do headmasters and bullfrogs have in common ? Both have big heads that consist mostly of mouth !
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What jumps up and down in front of a car ? Froglights !
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What happened when a frog joined the cricket team ? He bowled long hops !
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Why did the toad become a lighthouse keeper ? He had his own frog horn !
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What do you say to a hitchhiking frog ? Hop in !
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What do you get if you cross a frog with a ferry ? A hoppercraft !
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What do you call a frog who wants to be a cowboy ? Hoppalong Cassidy !
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When is a car like a frog ? When it's becing toad !
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Why do frogs have webbed feet ? To stamp out forest fires !
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What do you say if you meet a toad ? Wart's new !
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Whats green and can jump a mile a minute ? A frog with hiccups !
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Why did the lizard go on a diet ? It weighed too much for its scales !
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Whats green and goes round and round at 100 miles an hour ? A frog in a blender !
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Why was the frog down in the mouth ? He was un hoppy !
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How do frogs die ? They kermit suidide !
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What's a frogs favourite flower ? A croakus !
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Whats a frogs favourite game ? It's croak-et !
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What do you get if you cross a frog and a dog ? A croaker spaniel !
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What do you get if cross a science fiction film with a toad ? Star Warts !
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What kind of shoes to frogs like ? Open toad sandals !
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What do you call the English Toad Prize giving cermony ? The Brit Awarts !
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Why doesn't Kermit the Frog like elephants ? They always want to play leap frog with him
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Why is a frog luckier than a cat ? Because a frog croaks all the time but a cat only gets to croak nine times !
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What do toads drink ? Croaka-cola !
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What do frogs drink ? Hot croako !
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Where do frogs keep their treasure ? In a croak of gold at the end of the rainbow !
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What do you call a 100 year old frog ? An old croak !
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What do you get if cross a frog with some mist ? Kermit the Fog !
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What's a toads favourite sweet ? Lollihops !
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What do you call a frog spy ? A croak and dagger agent !
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What do you call a girl with a frog in her hair ? Lily !
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How did the toad die ? He simply croaked !
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What goes dot-dot-croak, dot-dash-croak ? Morse toad !
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Whats the world weakest animal ? A toad, he croaks if you even touch him !
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Whats white on the outside, green on the inside and comes with relish and onions ? A hot frog !
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What happens if you eat a hot frog ? You'll croak in no time !
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Where do frogs leave their hats and coats ? In the croakroom !
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Where do you get frogs eggs ? At the spawn shop !
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Why didn't the female frog lay eggs ? Because her husband spawned her affections !
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What do you call a rich frog? A gold-blooded reptile.
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What did one frog say.to the other? Time's sure fun when you're having flies!
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Why did the toad become a lighthouse keeper? He had his own frog-horn.
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What do you say if you meet a toad? Wart's new?
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Why doesnt Kermit like elephants? They always want to play leap-frog with him.
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What do you get if you cross a frog with a decathlete? Someone who pole-vaults without a pole.
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Q: How did the frog cross the road when a truck was coming? A: SPLAT!!! He didn't.
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What does a frog say when it washes car windows? Rub it, rub it, rub it.
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Q: Why are frogs so happy? A: They eat whatever bugs them!
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Q: What does a bankrupt frog say? A: "Baroke, baroke, baroke."
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A frog came into a bank to obtain a loan. He spoke to the loan officer Mr. Paddywack. When Mr. Paddywack asked the frog what he had for loan collateral, the frog held out his hand. "What's that?" asked Mr. Paddywack, but the frog could not talk. So, Mr. Paddywack took the frog in to see the manager and explained the situation. The manager then asked the frog what collateral he had for the loan and the frog held out his hand. "Oh," said the manager, "that's a knickknack Paddywack, give the frog a loan."
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Once upon a time, a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened upon a frog in a pond. The frog said to the princess, " I once was a handsome prince until an evil witch put a spell on me. One kiss from you and I will turn back into a prince and then we can marry, move into the castle with my mom and you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children and forever feel happy doing so." That night, while the princess dined on frog legs,she kept laughing and saying, "I don't THINK so."
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