A man took his dog to the vets and asked the vet to
completely remove the dogs tail. The vet confused said "Why do you
want me to do that? the dogs tail is perfectly healthy." The man
replied
"Well the wifes mother comes this weekend and I want to make
sure
there are no signs of any welcome!!"
Single Page
A man was very proud of his guard
dog, he would
leave it to roam free in the garden to sow the world his
house was
guarded. One day a woman knocked at his door. "Is that your
big dog
outside?" Wondering how she had got past him he said "Yes
why?" She
said I'm sorry but my dog just killed him!" "What??" Roared
the
man "What kind of dog have you got??" "A Peke" Replied the
woman. "A
Peke??? how could that little thing kill my big fine guard
dog?" "I
think it got stuck in his throat!" Replied the woman.
Single Page
A man is
walking down the street when he hears
a voice, "Pssst you come over
here!" He looks round and can see no
one but an old mangy greyhound.
"yes over here!" Said the greyhound
"Look at me I'm tied up here, I
should be racing I won 14 races in
my carrer you know?" The man thought
to himself "Oh my god a
talking dog, I have to have it, it will make
me rich, tv appearances
cabaret bookings" So he goes in search of the
owner.
He found
the owner and said "I'd like to buy your dog, is he for
sale??" The
owner says "No mate you don't want that old moth eaten
thing!"
"But I do!" Insisted the man "I'lll give you 1000 pounds for
him. "Ok
said the owner but I think your making a big mistake!" Handing
over
the money the man said "Why do you think that?" The man replied
"Because that dogs a bloody liar it's never won a race in it's
life!"
Single Page
A man and his dog went into a pub. The barman said
"Sorry mate no
dogs allowed in here!" The dog said "Oh please
don't be like that,
I'm trained and I won't cause any trouble!" The
bar man was
astonished at the talking dog and sat and chatted with
the dog and it's owner.
After a while the owner went to the toilet
and the barman saw his
chance for a prank. He said to the dog
"Would you do me a favor as a wind
up, will you go down to my friends
bakers shop and order a loaf of
bread??" "Sure!" Replied the dog. The
bar man gave the dog a fiver and
the dog left.
When the
owner came out of the toilet he went into a panic when he saw
his dog
had gone. The barman said "It's ok he's gone down to the
bakery
for me" The owner was livid "It IS NOT OK he's never been out on
his
own, anything could happen to him he could get run over.
The
owner spent the next hour searching for his dog, walking the
str
eets frantically. As he was walking he heard strange noises coming
from an
ally way, he went down and there was his dog having it's
wicked way
with a lady poodle. "ROVER!" Shouted the owner "You've had
me worried
sick, what's the matter with you you've never
dissapeared like this
before!" The dog replied "I've never had a fiver
before!"
Single Page
Upon
entering the little country store, the
stranger noticed a sign saying;
DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG! posted on the
glass door.
Inside he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the
floor besides
the cash register.
He asked the store
manager, "Is THAT the dog folks are supposed to
beware of?"
"Yep,
that's him," he replied.
The stranger couldn't help but be
amused. "That certainly doesn't
look like a dangerous dog to me. Why
in the world would you post that
sign?"
"Because," the
owner replied, "before I posted that sign, people
kept tripping over
him."
Single Page
A man walked by a table in a hotel and noticed
three men and a dog playing cards. The dog was exhibiting an
extraordinary
performance.
"That is a very smart dog," the man
commented.
"He's not so smart," said one of the irked players. "Every
time he
gets a good hand he wags his tail."
Single Page
A man took his Rottweiler to the
vet and said
to him, "My dogs cross-eyed. Is there anything you can do
for it?"
"Well," said the vet "let's have a look at him" The vet picks the
dog up by the ears and has a good look at its eyes.
"Well,"
says the vet "I'm going to have to put him down."
"Just
because he's cross-eyed?" say's the man.
"No, because he's heavy,"
says the vet.
Single Page
A local business was
looking for office help.
They put a sign in the window, stating the
following: "HELP WANTED.
Must be able to type, must be good with a computer
and must be
bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer."
A short time
afterwards, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign
and went inside.
He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then
walked over
to the sign, looked at it and whined.
Getting the idea, the
receptionist got the office manager. The office
manager looked at the
dog and was surprised, to say the least. However,
the dog looked
determined, so he lead him into the office. Inside, the
dog jumped up
on the chair and stared at the manager. The manager said,
"I can't
hire you. The sign says you have to be able to type."
The dog
jumped down, went to the typewriter and proceeded to type out a
perfect letter. He took out the page and trotted over to the manager
and gave it to him, then jumped back on the chair. The manager
was
stunned, but then told the dog, "The sign says you have to be
good with a
computer."
The dog jumped down again and went to
the computer. The dog proceeded
to enter and execute a perfect
program, that worked flawlessly the first
time.
By this time the
manager was totally dumb-founded! He looked at the dog
and said, "I
realize that you are a very intelligent dog and have some
interesting abilities. However, I still can't give you the job."
The
dog jumped down and went to a copy of the sign and put his paw on
the
sentences that told about being an Equal Opportunity Employer.
The manager said, "Yes, but the sign also says that you have to be
bilingual".
The dog looked at the manager calmly and said
"Meow".
Single Page
Paul got off
the elevator on the 40th floor
and nervously knocked on his blind
date's door. She opened it and
was as beautiful and charming as everyone
had said.
"I'll be
ready in a few minutes," she said. "Why don't you play
with Rollo
while you're waiting? He does wonderful tricks. He rolls
over, shakes
hands, sits up, and if you make a hoop with your arms, he'll
jump
through."
The dog followed Paul onto the balcony and started
rolling over. Paul
made a hoop with his arms and Rollo jumped through
-- and over the
balcony railing. Just then Paul's date walked out.
"Isn't Rollo the cutest, happiest dog you've ever seen?"
"To tell the the truth," he replied, "he seemed a little depressed
to me."
Single Page
Q: When's the best time to take your doberman
pinscher for a
walk? - A: Anytime he wants to go.
Single Page
Q: Why do dogs bury bones in the ground? - A:
Because you can't bury them in the sky!
Single Page
Q: How did bulldogs get such flat
noses? - A:
From chasing cars.
Single Page
Q: What has got four legs and an arm?
- A: A
Rottweiler in a playground.
Single Page
Q: How do you get a dog to stop
barking in the
back seat of a car? - A: Put him in the front seat.
Single Page
Q:
What do you say to a dog before he eats? -
A: Bone appetite!
Single Page
Q: Why did the dog cross the road? - A: Because it
was the chickens day off.
Single Page
Q: Why is a dog's nose in the middle of
it's
face? - A: Because it's the scenter.
Single Page
Q: When is a strange dog
most likely to go
into your house? - A: When the door is open.
Single Page
Q: What
happened when the dog went to the flea
circus? - A: It stole the
show!
Single Page
Q: Why did the lazy person buy a tall dog? - A: So
that they didn't
have to bend down to pet it.
Single Page
Q: What kind of dog does a dracula like? - A: A
Bloodhound.
Single Page
Q: What did the puppy say when he sat on sand
paper? - A:
RUFF!
Single Page
Q: What goes "krab, krab, krab"? - A: A dog
barking in a
mirror.
Single Page
Q: What side of the dog has the most fur? - A: The
Outside.
Single Page
Q:
Why does a dog wag it's tail? - A: No one
else will do it for them
Single Page
Two Scottish nuns have just arrived in the USA by
boat and one says to
the other, "I hear
that the occupants of
this country actually eat dogs." "Odd," her
companion replies, "but
if we shall live in America, we might as well do
as the Americans
do." Nodding emphatically, the mother superior points
to a hot dog
vendor and they both walk toward him. "Two dogs,
please," says one.
The vendor is only too pleased to oblige and he wraps both
hot dogs
in oil. Excited, the nuns hurry over to a bench and begin to
unwrap
their 'dogs.' The mother superior is first to open hers.
Staring
at it for a moment, she leans over to the other nun and whispers
cautiously, "What part did you get?"
Single Page
Small girl: I'd buy that dog, but
his legs
are too short! Clerk: Too short ? Why, all four of them touch
the
floor.
Single Page
Where did the dog breeder keep his savings ? In
bark-lays
bank !
Single Page
What dogs are best for sending telegrams ?
Wire
haired terriers !!
Single Page
What do you call a happy Lassie ?
A jolly
collie !
Single Page
What do you call a nutty dog in Australia ?
A
dingo-ling !
Single Page
What kind of dog sniffs out new flowers ?
A bud
hound !
Single Page
Why didn't the dog speak to his foot ?
Because
it's not polite to talk back to your paw !
Single Page
What is the dogs
favourite city ?
New
Yorkie !
Single Page
Who is the dogs favourite comedian ?
Growlcho
Marx !
Single Page
What did the cowboy say when the bear ate
Lassie?
"Well, doggone !"
Single Page
What do you get if you take a really big dog out
for a walk ?
A Great Dane out !
Single Page
What kind of meat do you give a stupid dog
?
Chump chops !
Single Page
What sort of clothes does a pet dog wear ?
A
petticoat !
Single Page
What do you get if you cross a sheepdog with a
rose?
A collie-flower !
Single Page
Why did the poor dog chase his own tail ?
He
was trying to make both ends meet !
Single Page
What did the angry man sing
when he found his
slippers chewed up by the new puppy ?
"I must throw that doggie out
the window !"!
Single Page
Why do dogs wag their
tails ?
"Because no
one else will do it for them !"
Single Page
What happened to the
dog that ate nothing but
garlic ?
His bark was much worse than it's bite !
Single Page
Why do dogs bury bones in
the ground
?
Because you can't bury them in trees !
Single Page
What happened when the dog went to the flea circus
?
He stole the show !
Single Page
What do you get if you cross a dog with Concorde
?
A jet setter !
Single Page
Why did the dog wear white sneakers ?
Because
his boots were at the menders !
Single Page
What do you get if you cross
a giraffe with a
dog ?
An animal that barks at low flying aircraft !
Single Page
Where do Eskimos train
their dogs ?
In the
mush room !
Single Page
What is the difference between Father Christmas
and
a warm dog ?
Father Christmas wears a whole suit, a dog just
pants!
Single Page
When is the
most likely time that a stray dog
will walk into your house ?
When the door is open !
Single Page
What do you get if you cross a dog and a
cheetah ?
A dog that chases cars - and catches them !
Single Page
What kind of dog sounds
like you can eat it
?
A sausage dog !
Single Page
What did the hungry Dalmatian say when he had a
meal
?
That hit the spots !
Single Page
What do you get if you cross a Rottweiller and a
hyena ?
I don't know but I'll join in if it laughs !
Single Page
What do dogs have that
no other animal has
?
Puppy dogs !
Single Page
What do you call an alcoholic dog ?
A whino
!
Single Page
What is a dog's favourite sport ?
Formula 1
drooling !
Single Page
What is a dog's favourite food ?
Anything that
is on your plate !
Single Page
What dog wears contact lenses ?
A cock-eyed
spaniel !
Single Page
What is a dogs favourite flower ?
Anything in
your garden !
Single Page
What's a dog favourite hobby ?
Collecting
fleas !
Single Page
How many seasons are there in a dogs life
?
Just one, the moulting season !
Single Page
Why is it called a "litter" of
puppies
?
Because they mess up the whole house !
Single Page
How do you stop a dog smelling ?
Put a peg on
it's nose !
Single Page
When does a dog go "moo" ?
When it is learning
a new language !
Single Page
What kind of dog chases anything
red ?
A
bull dog !
Single Page
What kind of dog wears a uniform and medals ?
A
guard dog !
Single Page
What do you call a dog in jeans and a sweater
?
A plain clothes police dog !
Single Page
What do you get if you cross a sheepdog with a
jelly ?
The collie wobbles !
Single Page
Why do you need a licence for a dog and not for
a cat ?
Cats can't drive !
Single Page
What do you call a dog in the middle of a muddy
road ?
A mutt in a rut !
Single Page
When is a black dog not a black dog ?
When
it's a greyhound !
Single Page
What do you get if you cross a dog with a
blind mole ?
A dog that keeps barking up the wrong tree !
Single Page
What do you get if you cross a Beatle and an
Australian dog ?
Dingo Starr !
Single Page
What happens to a dog that keeps eating bits off
of the
table ?
He gets splinters in his mouth !
Single Page
What do you get if you cross a
computer and a
Rottweiller ?
A computer with a lot of bites !
Single Page
What do you get if you cross a dog
with a
kangaroo?
A dog that has somewhere to put its own lead !
Single Page
What do you get if you
cross a dog and a sheep
?
A sheep that can round itself up !
Single Page
What do you get if cross two young dogs with a
pair
of headphones ?
Hush puppies !
Single Page
What do you get if you cross a dog with a frog
?
A dog that can lick you from the other side of the road!
Single Page
What do you
call a litter of young dogs who
have come in from the snow ?
Slush puppies !
Single Page
What do you call a dog with no legs ?
It
doesn't matter what you call him, he still won't come !
Single Page
How do
you feel if you cross a sheepdog with a
melon ?
Melon-collie !
Single Page
What do you call a black Eskimo dog ?
A dusky
husky !
Single Page
What do you call a sheepdog's tail that can tell
tall stories ?
A shaggy dogs tale !
Single Page
Why did the dog have a gleam in his
eye?
Someone bumped his elbow while he was brushing his teeth.
Single Page
Why do dogs
run in circles ?
Because its
hard to run in squares !
Single Page
How do you find your dog if
he's lost in the
woods ?
Put your ear up to a tree and listen for the bark !
Single Page
How can you tell a dog from a tomato?
The
tomato is red.
Single Page
How can you tell a dog from an elephant?
The
elephant remembers.
Single Page
How did the dog feel when he lost his
flashlight?
Delighted.
Single Page
How did the dog get into the locked cemetery at
night?
He used a skeleton key.
Single Page
How did the dog make anti-freeze?
He stole her
blanket.
Single Page
How did the dog make gold soup?
He put in 24
carrots.
Single Page
How did the dog's owner know his pet was angry
about having soap flakes for breakfast?
He foamed at the mouth.
Single Page
How do you keep a dog from barking in your
front yard?
Put him in your back yard.
Single Page
What did the dog do when the panhandler
put
the bite on him?
Bit him, naturally.
Single Page
What did the dog do with the history
professor?
They got together and talked over old times.
Single Page
What did the dog get when he multiplied 497 by
684?
The wrong answer.
Single Page
What did the dog say to the pig?
You are just a
bore.
Single Page
What did the dog say when he chased his
tail?
This is the end.
Single Page
What did the dog take when he was run down?
The
license number of the car that hit him.
Single Page
What did the dog use to
make his
kite?
Flypaper.
Single Page
What happened to the dog that fell into a
lens-grinding machine?
He made a spectacle of himself.
Single Page
What happened when the shaggy dog
swallowed a
teaspoon?
He wasn't able to stir.
Single Page
What has 2,000 eyes and 4,000 feet?
A thousand
dogs.
Single Page
What is a baseball dog?
One that chases
fowls.
Single Page
What is a dog who crosses the street twice in
an hour?
A double crosser.
Single Page
What is black and white and red all over?
A
Dalmatian with a bad sunburn.
Single Page
What is taller when it sits down than
when it
stands up?
A dog.
Single Page
What is the difference between a barking dog and
an umbrella?
The umbrella can be shut up.
Single Page
What is the difference between a dog and
a
mailbox?
If you don't know you must lose a lot of mail.
Single Page
What is worse than a
dog howling at the
moon?
Two dogs howling at the moon.
Single Page
What looks like a dog, sounds like a dog, eats
like
a dog, but isn't a dog?
A pup.
Single Page
What place of business helps dogs who have lost
their tails?
A retail store.
Single Page
What should you do if you find an angry 500-pound
dog
in your kitchen?
Eat out.
Single Page
What should you do if you see a vicious
dog?
Hope he doesn't see you.
Single Page
What should you know before you teach your
dog
a new trick?
You should know more than your dog.
Single Page
What was the dog doing on the turnpike?
About
seven miles an hour.
Single Page
What would you call a nine day old dog in
Russia?
A puppy.
Single Page
What would you get if you crossed a chicken with a
dog?
A hen that lays pooched eggs.
Single Page
When is a dog most impolite?
When he points.
Single Page
When you catch your dog eating a dictionary, what
should you do?
Take the words right out of his mouth.
Single Page
Where do you usually find dogs?
It all depends
on where you lose them.
Single Page
Which dog can tell time?
A watchdog.
Single Page
Which dog eats with its tail?
All dogs keep
their tails on when eating.
Single Page
Which dog is always without
a tail?
A hot
dog.
Single Page
Which dog looks like a cat?
A police dog in
disguise.
Single Page
Which dog tastes better when eaten?
A hot
dog.
Single Page
Why did the dog go to the doctor after a tomato
fell on
his head?
The tomato was in a can.
Single Page
Why did the dog mistake the dog catcher for
a
grape?
He was colour-blind.
Single Page
Why did the dog run in circles?
He was a
watchdog and needed winding.
Single Page
Why did the dog say he was an
actor?
His
leg was in a cast.
Single Page
Why did the dog sleep so poorly?
By mistake he
plugged his electric blanket into the toaster and kept
popping out
of bed all night!
Single Page
Why did the dog's owner think his dog
was a
great mathematician?
When he asked the dog what six minus six was,
the dog said
nothing.
Single Page
Why did the thoughtful father buy his six children
a dachshund?
He wanted a dog they could all pet at once.
Single Page
Why didn't the dog play
cards on his ocean
cruise?
Because the captain stood on the deck.
Single Page
Why do dogs turn around three
times before
lying down?
One good turn deserves another.
Single Page
Why does a d dog scratch himself?
He is the
only one that knows where it itches.
Single Page
Why doesn't a dog
ever have a nose 12 inches
long?
Because then it would be a foot.
Single Page
Why is a dog like a baseball player?
He runs
for home when he sees the catcher coming.
Single Page
Why is a dog so
warm in Summer?
He wears a
coat and pants.
Single Page
Why was the mother flea so unhappy?
All her
children had gone to the dogs.
Single Page
Would you rather have a 300-pound dog chase you or
a tiger?
I'd rather have him chase the tiger.
Single Page
Why is a dog with a lame leg
like adding 6 and
7s?
He puts down the three and carries the one.
Single Page
My dog is great at math.
Really ?
Ask him
how much is two minus two.
But two minus two is nothing!
That's what he'll answer, nothing!
Single Page
A man and his son were
shovelling the driveway
after a heavy snowfall when their dog, Lady, wandered
away from
them. Man, fearing the dog might be hit by car, shouted
angrily:
"Lady! Lady! Get over here right now!" The dog charged happily back
over
to them, accompanied by a commuter who had been standing at the
bus
stop. "Yes, sir, what can I do for you?" she asked.
Single Page
Four workers
were discussing how smart their
dogs were. The first was an engineer
who said his dog could draw.
His dog's name was "T-Square", and he
told him to get some paper and
draw a square, a circle and a triangle,
which he did with no sweat.
The accountant said he thought his dog, "Balance", could do better.
He told him to fetch a dozen cookies and divide them into piles of
three, which he did with no problem.
The chemist said that was
a very good stunt, but that his dog,
"Apothecary", could do better
yet. He told his dog to get a quart of milk and
pour seven ounces
into a ten ounce glass. Apothecary did this without a
hitch.
All
three men agreed their dogs were equally smart. They turned to the
Civil Servant and asked him what his dog could do. The Civil Servant
called his dog, whose name was "Coffee break", and said, "Show the
fellows what you can do, old buddy." Coffee Break then stroll
ed over and
ate the cookies, drank the milk, shit on the paper,
screwed the other
three dogs and claimed he injured his back while
doing so. He then filed
a grievance for unsafe conditions, applied
for Workers' Compensation,
and left for home on sick leave.
Single Page
The front door
was accidentally left open and
our dog was gone. After unsuccessfully
whistling and calling, my
husband got in the car and went looking for
him. He drove around the
neigbourhood for some time with no luck. Finally
he stopoed beside
a couple out for a walk and asked if they had seen
our dog. "You
mean the one following your car?" they asked.
Single Page
What dog
is a cousin to the Dalmatian?
A
spot-weiler!
Single Page
Dad, I spotted a Dalmatian!
No need to, it
already has its own spots!
Single Page
What do you call a boring
dog?
A
dull-mation!
Single Page
What did the hungry Dalmatian say when he had a
meal ?
That hit the spots !
Single Page
What kind of dog is a person's best friend?
A
palmatian!
Single Page
Why is it hard for Chihuahuas to type on a
keyboard?
They're all paws.
Single Page
How are you going to pay the Chihuahua who helped
you to set up your computer?
With dog diskettes!
Single Page
What kind of computers do chihuahuas like
best?
Lap-top!
Single Page
What does a Chihuahua play basketball with?
A
tennis ball!
Single Page
Alsation: Was your master playing catch with you?
Chihuahua: No, I was playing throw with her!
Single Page
What is a Chihuahua's
favorite sport?
Miniature golf!
Single Page
What kind of leash should you buy for a Chihuahua?
A short one!
Single Page
A Chihuahua was shopping in a mall when another
shopper
walked up to it and started talking.
Didn't I see you on
a TV commercial?
How am I supposed to know what you watch on TV?
Single Page
Why should you never watch a video with a
Chihuahua?
It always plays with the "paws" button on the VCR.
Single Page
What is brown
and gray, has eight legs, and is
carrying a large trunk and a small
trunk?
A Chihuahua on
vacation with an elephant.
Single Page
Alsation: What is your
favorite holiday?
Chihuahua: Howloween!
Single Page
Alsation: Why do you like to go on camping
trips?
Chihuahua: I like to "ruff it!
Single Page
I just spotted a Chihuahua!
That wasn't very
nice, you shouldn't draw on dogs!
Single Page
Why are Chihuahuas such good bedtime storytellers?
They have short tales!
Single Page
Alsation: I'll see you shortly.
Chihuahua:
Okay, but don't call me "Shortly!"
Single Page
Alsation: How come
you are always so well
behaved when you go on a walk with your master?
Chihuahua: It's the
leash I can do!
Single Page
How did the Chihuahua disappear
on the road?
It was using a hide-'n-go-seekle!
Single Page
Why do Chihuahuas have such short
necks?
Because their heads are so close to their bodies!
Single Page
What did the elephant say when it saw the
Chihuahuas coming down the road?
Look out for the mice!
Single Page
Why can't Chihuahuas run marathons?
They're
short of breath!
Single Page
What is black and white and red all over?
A
Chihuahua in a tuxedo that tripped into a jar of salsa!
Single Page
What kind
of pants do you buy for your pet
Chihuahua?
Shorts!
Single Page
What do you do when a Chihuahua sneezes?
Get a
small hankie!
Single Page
Where do you take a Chihuahua that has fallen into
a lake?
To a weterinarian!
Single Page
What is the best kind of dog to ask for
directions?
A Chihuahua, because it knows all the shortcuts!
Single Page
What artistic dog
chews a lot and follows the
rules of the farm where it lives?
A Chihuahua that can draw and
gnaw while obeying the law and lying on
straw!
Single Page
What do you call a black Eskimo dog ?
A dusky
husky !
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What is the only breed of dog a boxer is afraid
of?
A Doberman puncher!
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What has eighteen legs and fetches a ball?
The
Philadelphia Beagles!
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What kind of dog can you best see in the
dark?
A glowberman pinscher!
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What is a collie puppy's favorite toy?
A
chew-chew train!
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What dogs are best for sending telegrams ?
Wire
haired terriers !!
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What kind of dog sniffs out new flowers ?
A bud
hound !
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What dog is always tired in London?
An English
sleep dog.
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What kind of dog is the most colorful?
A paint
Bernard!
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What wears a black, white, and tan coat but has no
hair?
A bald beagle!
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What kind of dog always needs a shave?
A
bearded collie!
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What kind of dog can tell time?
A
clockshund!
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What dog wears a white coat and does science
experiments?
Labs!
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What do you get when you cross a sled dog with an
elephant?
A tusky!
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Every time I tell my English Setter to stop
barking, it
never does!
What does it do?
It just stands on its
back two legs and quotes Shakespeare!
What?
Yeah, it says, "To
bark or not to bark that is the question!" and
keeps on barking!
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What kind of dog doesn't do well in hot weather?
A faint Bernard!
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What is the best kind of dog to direct traffic at
a
busy intersection?
A pointer!
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What do you get when you cross a collie with a
trumpet?
A Lassie who plays brassie!
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What dog do other dogs go to when they
are
sick?
A docs-hund!
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How did the little Scottish dog feel when he saw a
monster ?
Terrier-fied !
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What dog would you want on your American football
team?
A golden receiver!
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What kind of dog is the smartest?
A great
brain!
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What dog wears contact lenses ?
A cock-eyed
spaniel !
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What dog do other dogs tell their problems to?
A complaint Bernard!
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What dog takes the money and runs fast!
A
payhound!
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What dog always gets on everyone's nerves?
A
great pane!
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When are Pomeranians good at taking photographs?
Only when they snap at something!
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What dogs never get lost?
Newfound-lands!
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How can you make a basset hound fast?
Take
away its food!
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What dog sweats the most and drinks the most
water?
A hot-weiler!
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What should you do if you have a basset hound over
for
dinner?
Have a short table!
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If a beagle can't play a bugle in the marching
band, what's his other favorite instrument to play?
A
trombone.
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Which dog eats with its tail?
All dogs keep
their tails on when eating.
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How do you make a dog
float?
Take two
scoops of ice cream, a couple of squirts of soda and a small
dog.
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What is your dog's favorite breakfast?
Pooched eggs!
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Where will a springer spaniel never shop?
At a
flea market!
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Alsation: How did you find the fleas?
Beagle:
I didn't! They found me!
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What do you call an alcoholic dog ?
A whino
!
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How did the dog make anti-freeze?
He stole her
blanket.
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How many hairs are in a dog's tail?
None. They
are all on the outside.
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Why is a dog like a baseball
player?
He
runs for home when he sees the catcher coming.
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Why didn't the dog
speak to his foot
?
Because it's not polite to talk back to your paw !
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When does a dog go "moo" ?
When it is learning
a new language !
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What did the dog use to make his
kite?
Flypaper.
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What kind of modeling clay does a dog use?
Fi-Do!
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What sort of clothes does a pet dog wear ?
A
petticoat !
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How did the dog's owner know his pet was angry
about
having soap flakes for breakfast?
He foamed at the mouth.
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When George Washington was a general, why did he
like to have dogs around?
They were very helpful during the
"Roverlutionary War!"
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How can if
you have a stupid dog ?
It
chases parked cars !
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What is the difference between Father
Christmas and a warm dog ?
Father Christmas wears a whole suit, a dog just
pants!
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What is the
best way to follow a lost dog's
paw prints?
With a track-tor!
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What dog rides a horse named Macaroni?
Yankee
poodle!
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What would you get if you crossed a chicken with a
dog?
A hen that lays pooched eggs.
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What do you get when you cross a
Doberman with
a bird?
A Doberman fincher!
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Why did the dog jump into the sea?
He wanted to
chase the catfish!
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Why does the Hound of the
Baskervilles turn
round and round before he lies down for the night?
Because he's the
watchdog and he has to wind himself up.
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What do you
get if you cross a labrador and a
tortoise ?
A dog that will run to the shop to get your paper and
bring back last
weeks paper !
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Advertisement: Dog for sale. Really gentle. Eats
anything. Especially fond of children.
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Two women, who are dog owners,
are arguing
which dog is smarter.
First woman: My dog is so smart. Every morning he
waits for the
paperboy to come around and then he takes a newspaper
and brings it to me.
Second woman: I know.
First one:
How?
Second one: My dog told me.
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Q: What's got four legs and no ears?
A: Mike
Tyson's dog.
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Q.Why is a dog scared of a fire?
A.It doesn't
want to become a hot dog.
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What game do 18 dogs like to
play during the
summer?
Woofleball
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Why did the 3-legged dog go back to Dodge City?
To see who shot his "paw."
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Q. What did the dog say when he sat on
sand
paper?
A. "Rough rough".
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A hound dog and a dalmation were sitting in an
Internet cafe and the
dalmation said to the hound, "Hey, check out
my web site!" The hound
asked
for the address and the dalmation
responded,
"www.dalmation.dot-dot-dot-dot-dot-dot-dot-dot.
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Firefighter Jokes |
Fishing Jokes |
Food Jokes |
Frog Jokes |
Ghost Jokes |
Gorilla Jokes |
Hair and Bald Jokes |
Halloween Jokes |
Heaven and Hell Jokes |
History Jokes |
Horse Jokes |
Humor Jokes |
Hunting Jokes |
Idiot and Fool Jokes |
Insect Jokes |
Internet Jokes |
Journalist Jokes |
Judge Jokes |
King Kong Jokes |
Knock Knock Jokes |
Lawyer Jokes |
Letter Jokes |
Marriage Jokes |
Men Jokes |
Mental Health Jokes |
Military Jokes |
Money Jokes |
Monster Jokes |
Mouse Jokes |
Movie and TV Jokes |
Music Jokes |
Old Age Jokes |
Parent Jokes |
Pig Jokes |
Police Jokes |
Political Jokes |
Rabbit Jokes |
Religious Jokes |
Restaurant Jokes |
Salesmen Jokes |
School Jokes |
Snake Jokes |
Snowman Jokes |
Space Jokes |
Spelling Jokes |
Sport Jokes |
Teeth Jokes |
Telephone Jokes |
Time Jokes |
Travel and Tourist Jokes |
Vampire Jokes |
Various Animal Jokes |
Waiter Jokes |
Weather Jokes |
Witch Jokes |
Women Jokes |
Yo Momma Jokes |
Zodiac Jokes |
Zoo Jokes
