Humor and jokes - DENTIST

A dentist, after completing work on a patient, came to him begging. Dentist: Could you help me? Could you give out a few of your loudest, most painful screams? Patient: Why? Docor, it wasn't all that bad this time. Dentist: There are so many people in the waiting room right now, and I don't want to miss the four o'clock ball game.
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A patient came to his dentist with problems with his teeth. Patient: Doctor, I have yellow teeth, what do I do? Dentist: Wear a brown tie!
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Dentist: I have to pull the aching tooth, but don't worry it will take just five minutes. Patient: And how much will it cost? Dentist: It's $90.00. Patient: $90.00 for just a few minutes work??? Dentist: I can extract it very slowly if you like.
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"I came in to make an appointment with the dentist." said the man to the receptionist. "I'm sorry sir." she replied. "He's out right now, but..." "Thank you," interrupted the obviously nervous prospective patient. "When will he be out again ?"
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A husband and wife entered the dentist's office. The husband said, "I want a tooth pulled. I don't want gas or Novocain because I'm in a terrible hurry. Just pull the tooth as quickly as possible." "You're a brave man," said the dentist. "Now, show me which tooth it is." The husband turns to his wife and says, "Open your mouth and show the dentist which tooth it is, dear."
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Dentist begging the patient: Could you help me? Could you give out a few of your loudest, most painful screams? Patient: Why? Doc, it isn't all that bad this time. Dentist: There are so many people in the waiting room right now and I don't want to miss the 4 o'clock ball game.
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Patient: "It must be tough spending all day with your hands in someone's mouth." Dentist: "I just think of it as having my hands in their wallet."
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"I am sorry, madam, but I shall have to charge you hundred dollars for pulling your boy's tooth." "Hundred dollars! Why, I understood you to say that you charged only twenty dollars for such work!" "Yes," replied the dentist, "but this youngster yelled so terribly that he scared out four other patients out of the office."
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What does the dentist of the year get?...A little plaque.
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Why did the dentist make a poor date with the manicurist? Because they fought both tooth and nail!
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How many dentists does it take to change a light bulb? Three. One to administer the anaesthetic, one to extract the light bulb, and one to offer the socket some vile pink mouthwash.
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What did the werewolf eat after he'd had his teeth taken out? The dentist.
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Monster: Doctor, doctor, I'm a blood-sucking monster and I keep needing to eat doctors. Doctor: Oh what a shame. I'm a dentist.
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Fred's mother was on the telephone to the boy's dentist. "I don't understand it," she complained, "I thought his treatment would only cost me $20, but you've charged me $80." "It is usually $20, ma'am," agreed the dentist, "but Fred yelled so loudly that three of my other patients ran away!"
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Nigel: You said the school dentist would be painless, but he wasn't. Teacher: Did he hurt you? Nigel: No, but he screamed when I bit his finger.
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Why are you laughing? My dentist just pulled one of my teeth out. I don't see much to laugh about in that. But it was the wrong one!
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As the judge said to the dentist: Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth, and nothing but the tooth?
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Why was the man arrested for looking at sets of dentures in a dentist's window? Because it was against the law to pick your teeth in public.
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Who has the most dangerous job in Transylvania? Dracula's dentist.
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I'm suffering from bad breath You should do something about it! I did. I just sent my wife to the dentist.
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Dentist: Don't worry. I'm painless. Patient: I'm not.
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Patient: Doc, what should I do with all the gold and silver in my mouth? Dentist: Don't smile in a bad neighborhood.
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Patient: Hey, that tooth you pulled wasn't the one I wanted pulled. Dentist: Relax, I'm coming to it.
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Father: Don't you feel better now that you've gone to the dentist? Son: Sure do. He wasn't in.
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Cloyd went to a Charleston dentist complaining his gums had shriveled up and his teeth were falling out. After examining him, the dentist said, "Your mouth is really bad. Do you brush?" "Ah sure do!" replied Cloyd. "Everee single day!" "What do you brush with?" asked the dentist, "Preparation H," said the redneck.
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I thought, Miss Smith, that you wanted yesterday afternoon off because you were seeing your dentist? That's right, Sir. So how come I saw you coming out of the movie theatre with a friend? That was my dentist.
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At what time do most people go to the dentist? At tooth-hurty (2:30).
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What did the dentist say to the golfer? "You have a hole in one. "
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Why does a dentist seem moody? Because he always looks down in the mouth.
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Why do dentists like potatoes? Because they are so filling.
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What is a drill team? A group of dentists who work together.
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Why do people dislike going to the dentist? Because he is boring.
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What is a dentist's office? A filling station.
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What do you call the Scottish dentist ? Phil McCavity !
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What do you call a dentist in the army ? A drill sergeant !
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What time is it when you have to go to the dentist ? Tooth Hurty !
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Did you hear about the dentist who planted a garden?... A month later he was picking his teeth
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What game did the dentist play when she was a child?...Caps and robbers
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What does a dentist do on a roller coaster?...He braces himself
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What did the dentist see at the North Pole?...A molar bear
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What was the dentist doing in Panama?...Looking for the Root Canal
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Where does the dentist get his gas?...At the filling station
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Why didn't the dentist ask his secretary out?...He was already taking out a tooth
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What did the dentist say to the computer?...This won't hurt a byte
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What did the tooth say to the departing dentist?...Fill me in when you get back
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Anyone know the six most frightening words in the world ??? "The Dentist will see you now."
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"Open wider." requested the dentist, as he began his examination of the patient. "Good God !" he said startled. "You've got the biggest cavity I've ever seen - the biggest cavity I've ever seen." "OK Doc !" replied the patient. "I'm scared enough without you saying something like that twice." "I didn't !" said the dentist. "That was the echo."
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While I was waiting to see the dentist, a woman came out of his inner office smiling. Nodding to me, she said, "Thank goodness my work is completed. I'm so glad to have found a painless dentist and one who's so gentle and understanding too." When seated in the dentist chair, I related the incident to the doctor. He laughed and explained, "Oh, that was just my Mother."
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"I came in to make an appointment with the dentist." said the man to the receptionist." "I'm sorry sir." she replied. "He's out right now, but..." "Thank you." interrupted the obviously nervous prospective patient. "When will he be out again ?"
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Patient: Doctor, I am very nervous. You know, this is my first extraction. Young dentist: Don't worry, it's my first extraction too.
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Dentist: There goes the only woman I ever loved. Assistant: Why don't you marry her? Dentist: I can't afford to. She's my best patient.
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Dentist: Just let me finish and you will be another man after these cosmetic procedures. Patient: Okay doc, but don't forget to send your bill to the other man.
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Dentist to parsimonious patient "No, we give no discount for empty spaces when cleaning and polishing teeth Mrs. Borde!"
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Young Charlie to dentist's sexy chariside assistant "Aha ! Are you the lady orthodontist ?". The lady replied "No, but I'll straighten anyone's teeth "
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Young lady to father "Daddy, when I grow up shall I become a heart-doctor or a tooth-doctor " "Dentist" "Why father ?" "We have only one heart, but 32 teeth!"
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Patient to Dentist: "How much to get my teeth straightened?" "Twenty thousand bucks" Patient heads for the door. Dentist to patient: "Where are you going?" "To a plastic surgeon to get my mouth bent."
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Patient: How much to have this tooth pulled? Dentist: With pain $200 and without pain $100. Patient: Well, without pain it's cheaper. Pull it WITHOUT pain. Without anesthesia neither anything, the dentist begins to extract the tooth, when the patient outcry: Aaaahhhhhhhh !!!!! Hey, WITH pain it costs $200 !!!, replies the dentist.
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What's worse than having your doctor tell you that you have VD? Having your dentist tell you.
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A patient asked the dentist, if it wasn't nasty to be all the day with the hands in someone's mouth. The dentist answered "I just think of it as having my hands in their wallet."
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Gerald: "Have you ever come across a man who, at the slightest touch, caused you to thrill and tremble in every fiber of your being?" Mabel: "Yes, the dentist."
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believe that the members of the dental profession are the only men who can tell a women to open or close her mouth and get away with it.
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Patient:Do you extract teeth painlessly? Dentis: "Not always, the other day I nearly dislocated my wrist
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Papa, why is it that dentists call their offices dental parlors?" "Because they are drawing-rooms, my son."
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Pardon me for a moment, please," said the dentist to the victim, "but before beginning this work I must have my drill." "Good heavens, man!" exclaimed the patient irritably. "Can't you pull a tooth without a rehearsal?"
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What to do you call an old dentist? A bit long in the tooth
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A man went to his dentist because he feels something wrong in his mouth. The dentist examines him and says, "that new upper plate I put in for you six months ago is eroding. What have you been eating?" The man replies, "all I can think of is that about four months ago my wife made some asparagus and put some stuff on it that was delicious ... Hollandaise sauce. I loved it so much I now put it on everything --- meat, toast, fish, vegetables, everything." "Well," says the dentist, "that's probably the problem. Hollandaise sauce is made with lots of lemon juice, which is highly corrosive. It's eaten away your upper plate. I'll make you a new plate, and this time use chrome." "Why chrome?" asks the patient. To which the dentist replies, "It's simple. Everyone knows that ... there's no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise!"
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Dentist: "You don't need to open your mouth any wider. When I pull your tooth I expect to stand outside."
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"Did you get your money?" ask the wife of the dentist who had just return from the delinquent patient's home. "Not a cent," growled the dentist, "and worse than that, he insulted me, and gnashed my teeth at me!"
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