Q: What do you call cattle with a sense of
humor?
A: Laughing stock.
Single Page
What did the farmer call the cow that would not
give him any milk ?
An udder failure !
Single Page
Camper: Look at that bunch of cows.
Farmer: Not
bunch, herd.
Camper: Heard what?
Farmer: Of cows.
Camper: Sure
I've heard of cows.
Farmer: No, I mean a cowherd.
Camper: So
what? I have no secrets from cows!
Single Page
Why do cows wear bells
around their
necks?
Because their horns don't work.
Single Page
A man climbed over a fence into a
field to pick
some flowers. He noticed a bull nearby.
Say, farmer. Is that bull
safe?
Well, he's a lot safer than you are right now!
Single Page
A summer visitor asked the farmer how long cows
should be milked.
"Oh, I reckon about the same as short ones!"
the farmer
answered.
Single Page
Cow: Why don't you shoo those flies?
Bull:
I'll let them go barefoot!
Single Page
Did you hear about the farmer who
lost control
of his tractor in the cow pasture?
No! Did he hurt the cows?
No, he just grazed them!
Single Page
Did you hear about the snobby cow?
She thought
she was a cutlet above the rest!
Single Page
Does running out of a
burning barn make a cow
unusual?
No, only medium rare!
Single Page
How did cows feel when the branding iron was
invented?
They were very impressed!
Single Page
How did that bullfight come out?
Oh, it was a
toss-up!
Single Page
How did the calf's final exam turn out?
Grade
A!
Single Page
What do you call a cow that plays the guitar?
A
Moosician!
Single Page
How did the farmer find his lost cow?
He
tractor down
Single Page
How do bulls drive their cars?
They steer
them!
Single Page
How do you make a milkshake?
Give a cow a pogo
stick.
Single Page
How does a cow do math?
With a cowculator!
Single Page
How to you know that cows will be in
heaven?
It's a place of udder delight.
Single Page
I can't decide whether to buy a
bicycle or a
cow for my farm.
Well, wouldn't you look silly riding a cow?
I'd look a darn sight sillier trying to milk a bicycle!
Single Page
I hear you take milk baths.
That's right.
Why?
I can't find a cow tall enough for a shower!
Single Page
If you crossed a cow
with a goat, what would
you get?
Half and half!
Single Page
If you crossed a cow with Michael Jackson, what
song
would you get?
"Beeflt!"
Single Page
If you crossed two cows with a flock of ducks,
what would
you get?
Milk and quackers!
Single Page
If you had a gun and you were being chased by a
bull and a mountain lion, which one would you shoot first?
The
mountain lion. You can always shoot the bull!
Single Page
If you make a cow angry, how will she get even?
She'll cream you!
Single Page
In what state will you find the most cows?
Moo
York!
Single Page
Is there big money in the cattle business?
So
I've herd!
Single Page
I've just discovered a method for making wool out
of
milk!
But doesn't that make the cow feel a little
sheepish?
Single Page
Pa's being
chased by a bull!
Well, what
in tarnation do you want me to do about it?
Get me some film for my
camera!
Single Page
Teacher: Name five things that contain milk.
Pupil: Butter, cheese, ice cream ... and two cows!
Single Page
That bull you sold
me is a lazy
good-for-nothing!
I told you he was a bum steer!
Single Page
That tornado damage your cow barn any?
Dunno.
Haven't found the durn thing yet!
Single Page
What animals do you bring
to bed?
Your
calves.
Single Page
What are cows favorite party games?
MOO-sical
chairs!
Single Page
What are the spots on black-and-white
cows?
Holstaines
Single Page
What band is a cow favorite?
Moody Blues
Single Page
What country do cows love to visit?
Moo
Zealand!
Single Page
What did one dairy cow say to another?
Got
milk?
Single Page
What did the calf say to the silo?
"Is my
fodder in there?"
Single Page
What did the cow wear to the football game?
A
Jersey.
Single Page
What did the mooron say when he saw the milk
cartons in the
grass?
"Hey! Look at the cow's nest!"
Single Page
What do cows call Frank Sinatra?
Old Moo
Eyes!
Single Page
What do cows do for entertainment?
They go to
the mooooovies.
Single Page
What do cows do when they're introduced?
They
give each other a milk shake!
Single Page
What do cows get when they are sick?
Hay
Fever
Single Page
What do cows get when they do all their
chores?
Mooney.
Single Page
What do cows like to do at amoosement parks?
Ride on the roller cowster.
Single Page
What do cows like to listen to?
Moo-sic!
Single Page
What do cows read at the breakfast table?
The
moospaper!
Single Page
What do cows sing at their friends birthday
parties?
"Happy Birthday to MOO, Happy Birthday to Moo
Single Page
What do cows usually
fly around in?
Helicowpters and Bulloons.
Single Page
What do cows wear when they're
vacationing in
Hawaii?
Moo moos
Single Page
What do you call a bull that runs into a threshing
machine?
Hamburger!
Single Page
What do you call a bull that's sent overseas by
boat?
Shipped beef!
Single Page
What do you call a cow on the barnyard
floor?
Ground Beef
Single Page
What do you call a cow who argues with her
husband?
A bullfighter!
Single Page
What do you call a cow with no front legs?
Lean Beef
Single Page
What do you call a group of cattle sent into
orbit?
The first herd shot round the world!
Single Page
What do you call a sleeping
bull?
A
bull-dozer.
Single Page
What do you call a tired cow?
Milked out!
Single Page
What do you call a cow that doesn't give
milk?
A milk dud!
Single Page
What do you call a cow that fell in a hole?
A
hole-y Cow!
Single Page
What do you call a cow that's just had a baby?
De-calfinated!
Single Page
What do you call a cow who works for a gardener?
A lawn moo-er.
Single Page
What do you call a herd of cows in a psychiatrists
office?
An encownter group.
Single Page
What do you call explosive cow vomit?
A cud
missle!
Single Page
What do you call it when cows do battle in outer
space?
Steer Wars.
Single Page
What do you call it when one bull spies on another
bull?
A steak-out!
Single Page
What do you get from a cow on the North Pole?
Cold cream!
Single Page
What do you get from a cowmedian?
Cream of
Wit!
Single Page
What do you get from a forgetful cow?
Milk of
amnesia!
Single Page
What do you get from a short-legged cow?
Dragon milk!
Single Page
What do you get from an invisible cow?
Evaporated milk!
Single Page
What do you get from pampered cows?
Spoiled
milk!
Single Page
What do you get if you cross a cow with a spaniel,
a poodle, and a rooster?
A cockerpoodlemoo!
Single Page
What do you get if you cross a cow with a tension
headache?
A bad mood!
Single Page
What do you get if you cross a cow, a french fry,
and a
sofa?
A cowch potato!
Single Page
What do you get if you cross a longhorn with a
knight?
Sir Loin!
Single Page
What do you get if you cross a steer and a
chicken?
Roost beef!
Single Page
What do you get if you cross Bossy with a vampire?
Dracowla!
Single Page
What do you get when you cross a cow with a
kangaroo?
A kangamoo!
Single Page
What does a cow like to do by a campfire?
Roast
Moosmallows!
Single Page
What does a cow ride when his car is broken?
A
COW-asaki MOO-torcycle!
Single Page
What famous painting do cows love to look
at?
The Moona Lisa!
Single Page
What game do little cows like to play?
Moonopoly.
Single Page
What gives milk and has a horn?
A milk tank!
Single Page
What goes oo ooo oooo?
A cow with no lips.
Single Page
What hair style is a calf's favorite?
The
cowlick!
Single Page
What happened to the lost cattle?
Nobody's
herd.
Single Page
What happens when a cow stops shaving?
It
grows a Moostache.
Single Page
What happens when the cows refuse to be
milked?
Udder chaos!
Single Page
What has four legs and goes, "Oom! Oom!"?
A
cow walking backwards!
Single Page
What is a cow's favorite lunch
meat?
Bullogna
Single Page
What is a moo hoo for a cow fight?
A cattle
battle!
Single Page
What is a moo hoo for a cow that fell into the
thresher?
Ground round!
Single Page
What is a moo hoo for a delightful ranch owner?
A charmer farmer!
Single Page
What is a moo hoo for a sheepish steer?
A
woolly bully!
Single Page
What is a moo hoo for steak that came late?
Filet delay!
Single Page
What is a moo hoo for the bucket that goes at the
back
end of the cow?
A tail pail!
Single Page
What is the definition of "derange"?
De place
where de cowboys ride!
Single Page
What is the definition of "moon"?
The past
tense of "moo"!
Single Page
What is the golden rule for cows?
Do unto
udders as you would have udders do to you!
Single Page
What is the most
important use for cowhide?
To hold the cow together.
Single Page
What kind of cows do you find in Alaska?
Eski-moos!
Single Page
What magazine makes cows stampede to the
newsstand?
Cows-mopolitan!
Single Page
What newspaper do cows read?
The Daily Moos.
Single Page
What sound do you hear when you drop a bomb on a
cow?
Cowboom!
Single Page
What South American dance do cows like to do?
The Rump-a
Single Page
What two members of the cow family go everywhere
with you?
Your calves!
Single Page
What US state has the most cows?
Moosouri!
Single Page
What would you get if you crossed a cow with a
rabbit?
Hare in your milk!
Single Page
What would you hear at a cow concert?
Moo-sic!
Single Page
What's a cow's favorite moosical
note?
Beef-flat!
Single Page
What's a moo hoo for a bunch of weirdo cattle?
A nerd herd!
Single Page
What's a moo hoo for a cattle dinner?
Cow
chow!
Single Page
What's a moo hoo for a cow barn on a holiday?
A merry dairy!
Single Page
What's a moo hoo for a darling bull?
A dear
steer!
Single Page
What's a moo hoo for a stuffed steer?
A full
bull!
Single Page
What's a moo hoo for a tug-of-war between two
longhorns?
A bull pull!
Single Page
What's a moo hoo for a young calf?
A new
moo!
Single Page
What's a moo hoo for grazing school?
Grass
class!
Single Page
What's a moo hoo for the sound you hear when a
cow
spits?
A cud thud!
Single Page
When a bull wants to listen to a cassette, what
does he
put on his head?
Steer phones!
Single Page
When is a farmer like a magician?
When he turns
his cow into pasture.
Single Page
Where did the bull carry his stock-market report?
In his beef case!
Single Page
Where did the mooron take the baby cow to eat?
To the calf-ateria!
Single Page
Where do cows like to live? St. Moo-is.
Single Page
Where
do cows like to ride on trains?
In
the cow-boose.
Single Page
Where do Danish cows come from?
Cowpenhagenf
Single Page
Where do milk shakes come from?
Nervous
cows!
Single Page
Where do Russian cows come from?
Moscow!
Single Page
Where do steers go to dance?
To the Meat
Ball!
Single Page
Where does a cow stop to drink?
The milky
way!
Single Page
Why are cpws made for dancing?
They're all
born hoofers!
Single Page
Why couldn't the cow leave the farm?
She was
pasteurized!
Single Page
Why did Bossy slug Roy Rogers?
She heard he
was a cowpuncher!
Single Page
Why did Bossy tell the cowpoke to
leave her
calf alone?
She thought children should be seen and not herded!
Single Page
Why did the cow
jump over the moon?
To get
to the Milky Way!
Single Page
Why did the farmer feed money to his cow?
He
wanted rich milk!
Single Page
Why did the farmer fence in the bull?
The
farmer had too much of a steak in him to let him go!
Single Page
Why did the
farmer put brandy in the cow's
food?
He wanted to raised stewed beef!
Single Page
Why did the farmer put his cow on
the
scales?
He wanted to see how much the milky weighed!
Single Page
Why did the moron give
the sleepy cow a
hammer?
He wanted her to hit the hay!
Single Page
Why do cows think cooks are mean?
They whip
cream!
Single Page
Why doesn't Sweden export it's cattle?
It
wants to keep it's Stockholm!
Single Page
Why don't cows ever have any
money?
Because the farmers milk them dry!
Single Page
Why was he woman arrested on a
cattle ranch
for wearing a silk dress?
She was charged with rustling!
Single Page
Why was the calf afraid?
He was a cow-herd!
Single Page
Why wouldn't anyone play with the little
longhorn?
He was too much of a bully!
Single Page
Your Honor, it was an accident! I had to run into
the fence to keep from hitting the cow!
Was it a Jersey cow?
I don't know, I didn't see her license plate!
Single Page
What is a cow's
favourite TV show ?
Dr
Moo !
Single Page
If you had fifteen cows and five goats what would
you have ?
Plenty of milk !
Single Page
What's the best way to make a bull sweat ?
Put him in a tight jumper !
Single Page
Why do cows like being told jokes ?
Because
they like being amoosed !
Single Page
What do you get if you cross a cow with an octopus
?
A cow that can milk itself !
Single Page
Q. What does a cow make when the sun
comes
out?
A. A shadow
Single Page
What do you get when a cow goes to the Beach with
tanning
oil?
Pre-tanned leather.
Single Page
Firefighter Jokes |
Fishing Jokes |
Food Jokes |
Frog Jokes |
Ghost Jokes |
Gorilla Jokes |
Hair and Bald Jokes |
Halloween Jokes |
Heaven and Hell Jokes |
History Jokes |
Horse Jokes |
Humor Jokes |
Hunting Jokes |
Idiot and Fool Jokes |
Insect Jokes |
Internet Jokes |
Journalist Jokes |
Judge Jokes |
King Kong Jokes |
Knock Knock Jokes |
Lawyer Jokes |
Letter Jokes |
Marriage Jokes |
Men Jokes |
Mental Health Jokes |
Military Jokes |
Money Jokes |
Monster Jokes |
Mouse Jokes |
Movie and TV Jokes |
Music Jokes |
Old Age Jokes |
Parent Jokes |
Pig Jokes |
Police Jokes |
Political Jokes |
Rabbit Jokes |
Religious Jokes |
Restaurant Jokes |
Salesmen Jokes |
School Jokes |
Snake Jokes |
Snowman Jokes |
Space Jokes |
Spelling Jokes |
Sport Jokes |
Teeth Jokes |
Telephone Jokes |
Time Jokes |
Travel and Tourist Jokes |
Vampire Jokes |
Various Animal Jokes |
Waiter Jokes |
Weather Jokes |
Witch Jokes |
Women Jokes |
Yo Momma Jokes |
Zodiac Jokes |
Zoo Jokes
