Humor and jokes - CANNIBAL

Why don't cannibals eat comedians? They taste funny.
Single Page

Did you hear about the cannibal spider that ate his uncle's wife? He was an aunteater.
Single Page

Why was the cannibal expelled from school? Because he kept buttering up the teacher.
Single Page

When do cannibals cook you? On Fried-days.
Single Page

What does a cannibal eat with cheese? Pickled organs.
Single Page

How can you help a starving cannibal? Give him a helping hand.
Single Page

What happened when the cannibals ate a comedian? They had a feast of fun.
Single Page

What happens if you upset a cannibal? You get into hot water.
Single Page

What did the cannibal say when he came home and found his wife chopping up a python and a pygmy? Oh no, not snake and pygmy pie again!
Single Page

What did the cannibal say when he was full? I couldn't eat another mortal.
Single Page

Why was the cannibal fined by the judge? He was caught poaching.
Single Page

What happened when the cannibal ate the speaking clock? It repeated on him.
Single Page

How did the cannibal turn over a new leaf? He became a vegetarian.
Single Page

What is a cannibal's favorite food? Baked Beings.
Single Page

Why did the cannibal live on his own? He was fed up with other people.
Single Page

Why did the Scottish cannibal live on a sugar plantation? He said, "So that I can feed my lads with m'lasses."
Single Page

Why do cannibals make suitcases out of people's heads? Because they're headcases.
Single Page

What happened when a cannibal went on a self-catering holiday? He ate himself.
Single Page

First cannibal: I can't find anything to eat! Second cannibal: But the jungle's full of people. First cannibal: Yes, but they're all very unsavory.
Single Page

Did you hear about the cannibals who captured a scrawny old hunter? It sure gave them something to chew over.
Single Page

Did you hear about the cannibal family who were caught spying by the witch-doctor? They were given a right roasting.
Single Page

Two cannibals were having their dinner. One said to the other "I don't like your friend." The other one said, "Well, put him to one side and just eat the vegetables."
Single Page

The cannibal priest told his flock to close their eyes and say grace. "For whosoever we are about to eat, may the Lord make us truly thankful."
Single Page

"Well, children," said the cannibal cooking teacher. "What did you make of the new English teacher?" "Burgers, ma'am."
Single Page

Two cannibals were having lunch. "Your wife makes a great soup," said one to the other. "Yes!" agreed the first. "But I'm going to miss her terribly."
Single Page

First Cannibal: Who was that girl I saw you with last night? Second Cannibal: That was no girl, that was my supper.
Single Page

Did you hear about the cannibal who joined the police force? He said he wanted to grill his suspects.
Single Page

Did you hear about the cannibal who commited suicide? He got himself into a real stew.
Single Page

Cannibals capture three men. The men are told that they will be skinned and eaten and then their skin will be used to make canoes. Then they are each given a final request. The first man asks to be killed as quickly and painlessly as possible. His request is granted, and they poison him. The second man asks for paper and a pen so that he can write a farewell letter to his family. This request is granted, and after he writes his letter, they kill him saving his skin for their canoes. Now it is the third man's turn. He asks for a fork. The cannibals are confused, but it is his final request, so they give him a fork. As soon as he has the fork he begins stabbing himself all over and shouts, "To hell with your canoes!"
Single Page

A cannibal son and his father are out looking for food. They are watching people walk down the street. The son suggested a particularly plump woman and the father rejected saying that she's too fatty. Later on the son asked about a very skinny woman. Again the father refused saying that she's to skinny. After a while the son pointed out a very attractive woman." sure son" the father replied, drooling. "We'll take her home and eat you mother!"
Single Page

Q. What did the cannibal's wife give her husband when he came home late for dinner? A. The cold shoulder.
Single Page

First cannibal: We had burglars last night. Second cannibal: Did they taste good?
Single Page

First cannibal: I don't know what to make of my husband these days. Second cannibal: How about a curry?
Single Page

The cannibal king was having dinner when a servant came running in. "Your Majesty," he said, "the slaves are revolting!" "You don't have to tell me," said the king. "I'm trying to eat them. "Where did we get these slaves anyway?" "From the country next door," replied the servant. "We must get a new butcher," said the king. "Bring me Delia Smith." "We can't, Your Majesty, she's still cooking for you." "Well, bring her to me once she's crispy enough," said the king.
Single Page

What does a cannibal call a skateboarder? Meals on wheels.
Single Page

What is the cannibals' favorite game? Swallow my Leader.
Single Page

What happened to the cannibal lion? He had to swallow his pride.
Single Page

Did you hear about the cannibal who went vegetarian? He couldn't stop eating swedes.
Single Page

Cannibal Boy: I've brought a friend home for dinner. Cannibal Mom: Put him in the fridge and we'll have him tomorrow.
Single Page

A cannibal chief was just about to stew his latest victim for dinner when the man protested, "You can't eat me ? I'm the manager!" "Well," said the cannibal, "soon you'll be a manager in chief."
Single Page

First cannibal: My wife's a tough old bird. Second cannibal: You should have left her in the oven for another half an hour.
Single Page

A cannibal's dillema: If God didn't want us to eat people, why did he make them out of meat?
Single Page

A man is captured by cannibals, every day they poke him with spears and use his blood to wash down their food.Finally the guy calls the chief over and says, "Hey, you can kill me or you can eat me, but I'm tired of getting stuck for drinks!"
Single Page

Cannibal: Mom, mom, I've been eating a missionary and I feel sick ! Mom: Well, you know what they say - you can't keep a good man down !
Single Page

Was the principal's brother really a missionary? He certainly was. He gave the people of the Cannibal Islands their first taste of Christianity !
Single Page

When a plane caught fire over the jungle the pilot ejected and landed in a cannibal's pot. The cannibal turned to his friend and said, 'What's this flier doing in my soup?'
Single Page

1st Cannibal: I don't know what to make of my boyfriend these days. 2nd Cannibal: How about a hotpot ?
Single Page

What did the cannibal's parents say when she brought her boyfriend home ? 'Lovely, dear, he looks good enough to eat!'
Single Page

First cannibal: Who was that girl I saw you with last night ? Second cannibal: That was no girl, that was my supper !
Single Page

Two cannibals were having lunch. 'Your girlfriend makes a great soup,' said one to the other. 'Yes!' agreed the first. 'But, U'm going to miss her terribly.'
Single Page

Two cannibals were having their dinner. One said to the other, 'I don't like your friend.' The other one replied, 'Well put her to one side and just eat the greens.'
Single Page

Why did the cannibal break up with his girlfriend? She didn't suit his taste!
Single Page

What did the cannibal have for lunch? Baked beings (beans).
Single Page

How can you help a starving cannibal? Give them a hand !
Single Page

What's the definition of a cannibal? Some who goes into a restaurant and orders a waiter!
Single Page

What do cannibal say when they say grace? ''We thank you,Lord, for our daily dead!''
Single Page

What did the cannibal say to the explorer? ''Nice to meat you''!
Single Page

What do pygmy cannibals eat for breakfast? Weedie Bix!!
Single Page

What happened when the cannibal crossed the Atlantic on the QE2? He told the waiter to take the menu away and bring him the passenger list!
Single Page

Why don't cannibals like to eat Carl Lewis? He gives them runs!
Single Page

Why won't cannibals eat Frank Sinatra? Because he's always coming back!
Single Page

What do sick cannibals have for breakfast? Vitamin bills!
Single Page

Why would the cannibal only eat babies? He was on a diet!
Single Page

What happened when the cannibal got a religion? He only ate Catholics on Fridays!
Single Page

Why didn't the cannibal eat Mike Tyson? He thought he would give him a paunch!
Single Page

What happened when the cannibal bit off a missionary's ear? He had his first taste of Christianity!
Single Page

Why did the Scottish cannibal live on a sugar plantation? He said ''So that I can feed my lads with m'lasses!
Single Page

Why was the cannibal looking peeky? Because he had just eaten a Chinese dog!
Single Page

Which is the only day you you are safe in a cannibal village ? Sitter days (when they eat the baby-sitter instead)!
Single Page

What happened to the cannibal lion? He had to swallow his pride!
Single Page

Why do cannibals make suitcases out of peoples heads? Because they're headcases !
Single Page

What happened to the entertainer who did a show for the cannibals ? He went down really well !
Single Page

First cannibal: Come and have dinner in our but tonight. Second cannibal: What are you having? First cannibal: Hard-boiled legs.
Single Page

First Cannibal: "Have you seen the dentist?" Second Cannibal: "Yes, he filled my teeth at dinner time."
Single Page

Why did the cannibal eat the tightrope walker? He wanted a balanced meal.
Single Page