Humor and jokes - BICYCLE

While crossing the US-Mexican border on his bicycle, the man was stopped by a guard who pointed to two sacks the man had on his shoulders. "What's in the bags?", asked the guard. "Sand," said the cyclist. "Get them off - we'll take a look," said the guard. The Cyclist did as he was told, emptied the bags, and proving they contained nothing but sand, reloaded the bags, put them on his shoulders and continued across the border. Two weeks later, the same thing happened. Again the guard demanded to see the two bags, which again contained nothing but sand. This went on every week for six months, until one day the cyclist with the sand bags failed to appear. A few days later, the guard happened to meet the cyclist downtown. "Say friend, you sure had us crazy", said the guard. "We knew you were smuggling something across the border. I won't say a word - but what is it you were smu ggling?" "Bicycles!"
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What is a ghost-proof bicycle? One with no spooks in it.
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"Lie flat on your backs, class, and circle your feet in the air as if you were riding your bikes," said the gym teacher. "Fred! What are you doing? Move your feet, boy." "I'm freewheeling, sir."
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Did you hear about the vampire bicycle that went round biting people's arms off? It was a vicious cycle.
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My dog is a nuisance. He chases everyone on a bicycle. What can I do? Take his bike away.
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Romeo: Your cheeks are like petals. Juliet: Really? Romeo: Yes, bicycle pedals.
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Which is the cheapest bicycle you can buy? A penny-farthing.
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What did the silly boy take his bicycle to bed with him? Because he didn't want to walk in his sleep.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up for itself? Because it was two-tyred.
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A little boy out riding his bicycle knocked down an old lady. She was a bit shaken, but got up, dusted herself off, then turned to the little boy and said, 'Don't you know how to ride a bike?' 'Yes,' he answered, 'but I don't know how to ring the bell yet'
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Jack and Jill were riding a tandem up a hill, but making heavy weather of it. At the top, Jack said: 'I didn't think we'd make it!' Jill replied, 'Nor did I - what a good thing I kept the brakes on, or we'd have slid all the way back down!'
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I went on a long bicycle ride yesterday. Farcical?
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What's the hardest thing about learning to ride a bicycle? The road.
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Johnny was racing around the garden on his new bicycle and called out to his mother to watch his tricks. 'Look, Mum! No hands! Look, Mum! No feet! Waaah! Look, Mum! No teeth!'
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Our bank manager can't ride a bike any more. Why not? He lost his balance.
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The school teacher was furious when Brad knocked him down with his new bicycle in the school yard. "Don't you know how to ride that yet?" he roared. "Oh yes!" shouted Brad over his shoulder. "It's the bell I can't work yet.
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Q: How many bikers does it take to change a light bulb? A: It takes two. One to change the bulb, and the other to kick the switch.
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The cyclist, passing a pedestrian crossing, runs into a man, and they both fall down. -"Geez, are you lucky." The cyclist says. -"What do you mean by lucky ?" The pedestrian angrily asks. "I got hurt really bad." -"Ah, you're lucky because I recently lost my license. I usually drive a bus."
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A math student who used to come to the university on foot every day arrives one day on a fancy new bicycle. "Where did you get the bike from?" his friends want to know. "It's a `thank you' present", he explains, "from that freshman girl I've been tutoring. But the story is kind of weird..." "Tell us!" "Well", he starts, "yesterday she called me on the phone and told me that she had passed her math final and that she wanted to drop by to thank me in person. As usual, she arrived at my place riding her bicycle. But when I had let her in, she suddenly took all her clothes off, lay down on my bed, smiled at me, and said: `You can get from me whatever you desire!'" One of his friends remarks: "You made a really smart choice when you took the bicycle." "Yeah", another friend adds, "just imagine how silly you would have looked in a girl's clothes - and they wouldn't have fit you anyway!"
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When is a bicycle not a bicycle? When it turns into a driveway.
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Why can't a bicycle stand up by itself? Because it is two-tired (too tired).
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Why can't an elephant ride a bicycle? Because he doesn't have a thumb to ring the bell.
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Which Elizabethan sailor could stop bikes ? Sir Francis Brake !
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What do you call a woman with a bicycle on her head ? Petal !
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What do you get if you cross a bike and a rose ? Bicycle petals !
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What do you get if you cross a chemical and a bicycle ? Bike carbonate of soda !
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What did the bicycle call its dad? Pop-cycle
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Q: Why do bikes have kick-stands? A: Because they're two-tired.
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